Fr'i' your 'Friend' and that's the 'e'nd of them

I am a lucky kid.

I have a bunch of kick ass, wicked cool friends...and when I say 'friends', I mean 'friend' friends not 'Facebook' friends... but when I say 'friend' friends, I mean 'just friends' friends not like 'friend friend' friends.

To simplify: These are people that I really really like... but I don't necessarily really really like like them ...I just really really like them. A lot.

~An aside- Have you ever noticed that there are certain words that if you write/type a few too many times they stop looking like real words and start to look like more of a peculiarly random grouping of letters? I have.~

As much as I enjoy Facebook (mostly), I feel that its very existence has diminished the sanctity of the word 'friend'. However, even as I put that thought into words, I might have to contradict myself(weird)... Maybe, instead of taking away from the word 'friend', it actually adds a new dimension to the concept of Friendship...a whole new sub-category, I guess. Sorta like "Oh yeah, I know Flappy McHappypants. He's a 'Facebook' friend."

FYI-This post has just taken on a life of its own and I refuse to be held accountable for how much it might suck. The post I had originally planned on writing ...until half-way through that last paragraph ...was spectacular. We'll have to wait and see how this permutation shapes up...but I'm not promising anything...it's on its own from here on in...

I have all sorts of different friends who belong to all sorts of different categories.

Most friends would start off by fitting in some categories that are pretty typical and defined by life stage: ...'Childhood' Friends, 'Public School' Friends, 'High School' Friends, 'University' Friends, 'Teachers College' Friends(Don't blink!! Ah man, you missed 'em), 'Adult Life:Phase I' Friends, 'Adult Life:Phase II' Friends, 'Adult Life:Phase I/Phase II Combo' Friends (Yay...so nice that you guys stuck around), etc. etc...

Or, I can divvy everyone up into geographic groupings: 'Orillia' Friends, 'Whistler' Friends, 'Fenelon Falls' Friends, 'Toronto' Friends, 'World Wide Web' Friends, etc.etc...

Then there are the ever-evolving situational slots: 'Neighbour' Friends, 'Work' Friends, 'Our Kids are at the same Preschool' Friends, 'Our Kids Take Piano Lessons &/or Play Soccer &/or Wrestle &/or Go to Elementary School &/or Go to High School &/or Drink Watermelon Smirnoffs Swiped from My Cupboard Together' Friends, etc.etc.

Now, I'm getting closer to the heart of things (btw ...neither here nor there but I just had an super brief but super awesome Geddy Lee musical interlude in my brain)...The grouping of Friends that you really have no role in choosing: 'Family' Friends. They are people you are blessed/saddled with through either genetic or marital bonds...Lifelong emotional relationships/friendships that are solidified by the gift of unconditional love. No matter how often their quirks or actions may drive you bananas or how many dinner table discussions regarding current events/life philosophy/religion/child-rearing technique(ohhhh that's always a good one)end in tears or raised voices, these friendships remain intact ...

...'cause they have to.

The Universe kinda makes us be friends.

I'm referring, of course, to our sisters, brothers, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...OR ... That sometimes tricky and convoluted/sometimes wonderful world of In-Laws . You have to deal with all the same quirks/actions/bullshit as you do with your own family but withOUT that Universe-decreed unconditional love.

Oh Beautiful Universe, why do you mess with us so??

So, in short, 'Family' Friends are like squirrels ...you can't live with the bastards. You can't live without 'em.

*Disclaimer: I have a fantastic family... nuclear and extended ... current and erstwhile. I adore you ALL ... well, most of you all, anyway :)

O.K...Here we are!!!

Hello, Actual Whole Point of this Post!!

I made it!!

The pinnacle...The cream of the crop...The brass ring of friendships ...

The 'Best' Friend.

AND... (and this is what I've wanted to talk about from the very beginning) ... I am exquisitely fortunate to be able to lay claim to not one or two ...but, indeed, several 'Best' Friends.

Awesome.

Not bad for a hermit with raging Social Anxiety Disorder .

Now, I have to admit that several of these several 'Best' Friends may not rank me as one of their BFs...and I'm OK with that. (Need be, I can always create a new sub-category 'Unreciprocal Best' Friend. I'm flexible)

You see, in my advancing years, I have come to accept the fact that there exist only a few people on this planet who I can be my complete self with. Historically, I've not been a real superstar at forging ... and/or... maintaining new friendships. Actually, I really really suck at it, so when I meet someone who I can be at ease with it's cause for celebration.

WAHOOooOooOoooOoo !!!

I believe I probably cherish these rare 'connections' more than the average bear.

I absolutely adore the idea of 'kindred spirits'...(Thank You, Anne Shirley) and I think maybe in my case that's perhaps a more appropriate handle than 'Best' Friends. It's so magical and cool to meet someone for the first time and almost immediately enjoy that "Hey...I know you!! You're kinda just like me!" feeling.

It's all about being able to share...To share a twisted goofy sense of humour, likes/dislikes, life philosophies, a love of books/movies/music/food/nature/dogs. To share a name. To share dreams ...in both a figurative sense and a literal sense. To share your deepest/darkests without hesitation...or fear of judgement. To share DNA.

I was 16 when I first became consciously aware of the remarkable existence of  Kindred Spirits. I had been blessed with 3 beautiful childhood friendships but this was the first time I experienced that aforementioned "Hey...I know you!!" lightning bolt. She is still, to this day, my most Fravourite Friend.

I'm exceptionally pleased and, truth be told, happily surprised, that I've made the vast majority of these wonderful connections just in the past few years. I had a bit of a dry spell through the ages of 16 to, let's say, ohhhh ... 35 or so, acquiring only one more, so my  KS count held steady at a whopping 2. But then a funny thing started happening...these really cool, really neat people who seemed to really "get" me started cropping up, sometimes out of the most interesting of scenarios(and when I say 'interesting', I really really mean 'interesting". Really really. You'll just have to take my word on this) and my KS count jumped from 2 to the "several" that it is today. YAY ME!!

(I know I've used the word 'really' a whole bunch of times in this post but I wanted to 'really' emphasize a whole bunch of things ... so please bear with me and my temporary  lapse into redundancy)

My Kindred Spirits come in all shapes and sizes. I've known one nearly my whole entire life (minus 26.5 months)...One, I've known only a few months. I have KSs I'm able to see on a weekly basis ...  A few I see every few months .... and  the Internet has allowed me to have connections with one KS who I haven't seen or spoken to since high school and one KS I haven't seen or spoken to ...ever. I'm even lucky enough to wake up with one - each and every morning  :)

I find it absolutely amazing how beautifully powerful the energy of this "kinship" really is. It manifests instantly and lasts a lifetime. It transmits through cables and through signals in air. It defies time and distance.

It's really really wicked cool.

Really.

To wrap this up on a supremely cheesy note, here's a blast from the past and I'm sending it out to all my 'Friends' ...and when I say 'friends', I mean 'friend' friends.

p.s. I f#@king LOVE Elton John's voice. BAM!!

p.p.s. And, in case anyone is wondering what the hell the title of this post is all about ... It's the "How to Spell Friend" trick my Grade 4 teacher taught me ... it kinda stuck with me

p.p.p.s. And his hat. His voice and his hat.

p.p.p.p.s. And his mullet. His voice and his hat and his mullet. All are awesome.

Important Update #1 (May 26, 2011): Last night, my sweetie and I went to see the uproariously hilarious "Bridesmaids" ... Loved it!! I was absolutely tickled when the girls started to sing "That's What Friends Are For" as a weapon in their fantastic "I'm better friends with the bride than you are" battle ... and in light of my recent post regarding Intellectual Property Theft ... and to stave off any possible jeers or cries of  "Hypocrite!!!" aimed my way,  I checked the Canadian release date of the movie and compared it with the Global publishing date of my post and ... I was here first!!! I didn't inadvertently (or advertently for that matter) copycat the crazy women in the movie... Phew!!  :)

Guess Who's Smarter Than an Octopus???

Now ... I realize that I am coming dangerously close to reaching this blog's S.S.P (Squirrel Saturation Point), but I discovered this in my inbox and couldn't NOT post it:

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/top-10-smartest-animals.html


Holding strong at #7, baby!!!

Oh yeah!!!

Just When I Thought I Couldn't Love Squirrels More ...

... I had to go and stumble on this FABULOUS new(to me) contraption called the Yankee Flipper Squirrel Proof Feeder ... or something like that... doesn't matter what it's called, it's still FABULOUS!!

Here, take a peek:

How awesome is THAT??!!!

It's waaaayyy better this:

                                                                           Or this:

Or this:

It's  waaaaay better than even this:

I gotta get me one of those. Spinning squirrels probably won't solve my lunatic dog problem but I'll be giggling so much maybe I won't notice him.

Oh yeah!!

p.s. You may have noticed that I didn't drop any F-bombs in this post ...I am experiencing an acute case of "Committer's Remorse" (if you will).  I'm seriously rethinking my stance on that whole committing to "dropping at least 1 (one) F-Bomb per post" thing. As much as I adore all things profane .... my f@#king parents are maybe going to be reading my stuff so perhaps I should refrain. Ah man!! I just can't help myself. Swearing is fun.

p.p.s HAP-HAP-HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!! Love you xoxoxoxox

WTF??

I, squirrel_e_girl, this very second, commit to dropping at least 1 (one) F-Bomb per post.

Kinda classes things up a bit.

(why the f@$k did I create a pseudonym that requires me to use the shift key multiple times??)

Well ... You Don't See That Everyday.

Holy F@$k!! I just saw a TANK with 4-6 heavily armed soldiers turn
around in the driveway across from my house.

It was like "Red Dawn" all over again...but without Patrick Swayze.

Can't Live With the Little Bastards. Can't Live Without 'Em.

So...I 'm in a bit of a quandary. You could say that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or, that I am caught in a cleft stick. Possibly, I am drifting somewhere between the Devil and the deep blue sea. Perhaps even, torn between two lovers and feeling like a fool.

Quite simply, I am embroiled in a serious crisis of faith.

I have been invaded by squirrels... And not by my figurative squirrels - those I can manage (mostly). My world has been disrupted by a swarm of squirrels ... Real Ones.

Well, OK.... Perhaps 'swarm' is overstating a little. Last count put us at  2 (maybe 4) red squirrels and 1 (possibly 2) black squirrel(s).

The actual numbers matter not at all, really. It's the very fact that there is even 'a' real live, moving around squirrel (let alone several) hanging out at my bird feeder that is the source of my inner turmoil...for reasons I will state below.

Reason #1. It is a BIRD feeder ... intended to feed BIRDS... not squirrels.

This winter, I have derived enormous heaps of pleasure.... and tranquility... and excitement (quite a feat of diversity when you stop and think about it) from the simple act of watching birds eat. I have serenely looked on as my feathery flock has grown from a lone chickadee to 2 chickadees. Then from 2 chickadees to 3. Then from 3 chickadees to 47... With a pair of nuthatches, a couple of downy woodpeckers, a bunch of goldfinches and a whole lotta common redpolls sprinkled in to spice things up a bit. I have LOVED every single minute of my bird feeding experience. LOVED it. LOVED. It.

And now the squirrels monopolize the feeder, leaving my wee little birds to flit around on empty tummies. AND the squirrels are eating me out of house and home. AND they are messy...flinging seed all this way and that-like.

BUT...

I resigned myself to the notion that "Hey, squirrels are cute little living creatures of The Universe, too. They deserve a tasty morsel now and then to help them through these cold snowy months"...and I was at peace with this change in feeder clientele.

Besides, as mentioned in a previous post...

 I heart squirrels. A lot.

They are hilarious. It is super duper entertaining to watch as they devise ways to actually get to the feeder. You see, the feeders are suspended from the eavestrough in front of my living room window and the squirrels have to scale the side of the house up to the window sill, then leap through the air onto one of three feeders and then hold on for dear life as the feeders swing and sway from the force of their landing....hee hee...it's super funny. Some can't hang on so they plummet to the ground below in a very satisfying fashion. We trickily adjusted the height of the feeders thus rendering the leaping into the air method useless. They now have to peek over the edge of the eaves and shimmy down the chain and then somehow manage to slide down over the roof of the feeder to get to the goods. Words cannot express the sheer adorable-ness of a little squirrelly face peering upside down trying to align itself with a chain. The acrobatic little bastards certainly have to work for their supper...And be adorable ... And provide me with entertainment. "Amuse me, rodent!" No free ride here, thank you very much.

So, that issue worked itself out nicely and we established a new bird/squirrel feeder status quo. Life is good...different but good. I have adapted.

EXCEPT...

Reason B. My dog recently realized that occasionally there appears a squirrel that dangles... precariously ....enticingly .... mere inches from his living room...and this causes him to LOSE HIS F@#KING MIND.

Again. And again. And again.

He paces. He whines. He pants. He squeaks. He scratches. He climbs. He drools. He barks. He barks. He whines. He drools. He barks. He whines. He barks. He scratches. He barks.

Again. And again. And again.

And this causes me to LOSE My F@#KING MIND.

Again. And again. And again.

My peaceful meditative serenity has been shattered. My blissful chickadee viewing buzz has been killed. And the tasteful decor of my living room has been marred by the addition of two plastic baby gates that  together serve as an anti-Wheaten barrier protecting the wood trim and the window from my lunatic dog's relentless and indescribably annoying attacks.

The most obvious solution to this desperate situation is to simply remove the feeders.
No more sunflower seeds = No more squirrels.
No more squirrels = No more idiotic freak outs from my dog.
No more idiotic freak outs from my dog = No more idiotic freak outs from my self.
No more idiotic freak outs from my self = Peace and quiet.

But at what cost???
No more sunflower seeds = No more chickadees.
No more chickadees = A gaping void in my world.

All this because of a swarm of squirrels.

But remember... I heart squirrels. A lot.

Or do I?

You can see my predicament.

Have Minion. Will Declutter.

Throw back the curtains!! Crank open the windows!! Wrap my head in one of those cute do-rag thingys!! Pull off the stupid f*#king bandana that refuses to miraculously transform itself into a snappy but functional bit of headwear, crumple it up and toss it behind a pile of books!!! Turn up the tunes and break out the Swiffer!! It's time to clean this joint up!!

You may wonder..."What's with all this unbridled enthusiasm??"

And then you will most likely answer yourself ..."Must have something to do with the fact that it's the end of March and that's when people typically set about doing their Spring Cleaning. Yes, I'm sure of it ...THAT is why she's whipping herself into a housecleaning frenzy."

Well, I'm sorry to break it to you... but you're wrong.

I, squirrel_e_girl, do not play slave to the dictates of the calendar and its presumptuous seasonal 'to do' list. Nor do I bow to societal pressure or the suggestive nature of television marketing.(I can't even begin to count how many commercials I've seen this last month shamelessly peddling bandanas)

That is NOT why I'm flinging myself into domestic decluttering with such reckless abandon.

The reason I am re-organising and cleaning my home is because .... My 12 year old son thinks it'd probably be a pretty good idea.

...and I should maybe start with the medicine cabinet in the bathroom because "You know how when people spring clean, they start with something small like organising one cupboard and then move on to the next one. Well, the shelves in the bathroom are kinda messy.... and it won't take you very long to do".

Hmphf .... the nerve of that child!!

But, you know, he's kinda sorta right.

Well... actually...he's absolutely right.

And to be fair, he's been very gentle and tactful with his graduated system of dropping subtle hints.

It all started a couple of weeks ago when he and I were hanging out in the living room and I noticed him thoughtfully surveying his surroundings. It went a lil somethin' like this....

"Hey Mum. Is it usually in the spring when people do a big clean up of their houses?".

"Yes. It's a phenomenon referred to as "Spring Cleaning". By end of the winter, everyone is fed up with hibernating, and so, more than ready to get rid of all the clutter that has accumulated over months of living primarily indoors." <~See how smarty-pants-like I talk to my kid. We are a very eloquent bunch ;)




"huh", he says.


...and walks away.


And I am left to thoughtfully survey my surroundings...and notice all the clutter that has accumulated over months of living primarily indoors.


I can't remember verbatim all the other little allusions he's made to the fact that he is of the opinion that cleanliness is next to godliness(or some other such foolishness) ...but they have been tactfully floated out here and there/now and then, throughout the last two weeks...And, I have to say, I've been pickin' up what he's been droppin' .... at least in the figurative sense.


(Before I continue, I feel I must clarify .... As much as my son would have you believe...We do not live in a state of filth and squallor. Sure, things could stand a bit of tidying up and sorting out and there might be the odd dust bunny that needs lasso-ing....but...Most of the flat surfaces in the house are clear and we can use the furniture for their originally intended purpose. In short, you won't be seeing me on any future episodes of "Hoarders"...god damn I love that show. It's sooooo bad.)


So, anyway, this morning when my darling spawn suggested an overhaul of the medicine cabinet (...with particular focus on the toothbrush holder, please. "It's gross"), I leapt into action.


The toothbrush holder is now sparkly clean. The hair products are in the hair product area. The daily moisturizer is tucked in nicely beside the night-time moisturizer. It's all good.


Stand Back!!


I am on the move!!


A veritable cyclone of de-cluttering and cleaning!!


 Perhaps, I'll even do a little bit of whistling while I work ;)
[cue onslaught of super cute and surprisingly dexterous woodland creatures]




 Update #1. This afternoon, when the Boy emerged from the bathroom after his daily "Oh my god!! I have to pee!!" sprint off the bus, he exclaimed, "Aren't my ideas AWESOME !!" ....ahhhh.... He noticed.
Update #2. He has since been recruited to my Anti-Clutter Crusade... ahhhhhh... a minion. I've always wanted one.