It Was the Best of Nights, It Was the Worst of Nights.

Well, actually, it was mostly the best of nights...the worst of nights part didn't start until 2am-ish so perhaps I should re-title...

It Was the Best of Nights, It Was the Worst of Really Early in the Mornings.

Allow me to elaborate...

This past Saturday night, I, along with 349 other lucite boys and girls

 ~ I interrupt this sentence to bring to your attention, the strangest autocorrect EVER ... The all-knowing Autocorrect Gods, in their wisdom, just corrected my misspelled "lucky" to read "lucite" ....which isn't even a real word. It's the trademark name of a kind of plastic that is used in the manufacturing of hot tubs ...and trendy jewellery ???

Allow me to get back to my sentence...

This past Saturday night, I, along with 349 other lucky boys and girls, attended a kick ass fundraiser organised in spectacular fashion by a beloved "Musings" reader. (Killer job, Angie!! You should be monstrously proud of yourself!! Woot!!) This was a sold-out, eagerly anticipated event that showcased the talent of 4 awesome local bands.

A month or so ago, when I first found out that this evening was in the works, I thought to myself, "Self, would you look at that line-up!! That is going to be one epic shindig. I bet everyone is going to be there."

.... and then I experienced an odd, unfamiliar stirring. (not one of those stirrings. Mind out of the gutter, please)

I was bewildered and alarmed by a sudden foreign impulse and I immediately questioned myself, "Self!!! What the hell is happening?? There must be something wrong with me!! Could I possibly actually want to actually go out and actually do something fun??? In public?? With people and everything?? People that I actually know?? Some for more than half my life?? Quick!! Dial 911!!! Stat!!"

I gave my head a good shake and lay down to wait for this crazy notion to pass...or, failing that, the arrival of the other 3 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Bizarrely enough, neither of those things happened.

Later that day, my Sweetie came home from work and I filled him in on the freaky details of my afternoon and all he had to say was, "Sounds like fun. Sure we'll go."

Damn.

My fate was sealed.

The strangeness didn't end there.

Oh no.

Not by a long shot.

Not only did I NOT ONCE think of backing out and not going, but I also went into town and picked up the tickets MYSELF.

Oh, yes.

I did.

Myself.

...AND...

And... I invited some friends over to our place for some pre-show beverages.

BAM!!! Introverts of the World, please bask in the glow of my successful foray into Extreme Extraversion!!

Ok...enough basking.

So, after weeks of simmering excitement, the big day finally arrived.  As far as I could tell, pretty much everyone and their brother was going to be at this thing (only in my case it was my sister). I was giddy with thoughts of how ridiculous it was going to be. You see, for those of you not from Orillia, a few hundred drunk Orillians is quite a sight to behold.

 The evening held such promise!! I was super duper pumped.

A lovely visit with some lovely friends and 3 RockStars [+Vodka] later and I was on my way!!!

My initial disappointment after hearing that we missed my good friend's band's set was quickly buffered by the glorious spectacle that greeted us not 10 feet from the entrance....The lineup for the bar was at least 8 people across and a good 10-12 people long. I rubbed my hands together with glee. The potential for some good ol' Orillian shenanigans was HUGE!! I was even more gleeful when my Guy pointed out that my sister and bro-in-law just happened to be at the front of that mammoth line. "Hey Most Excellent Sister at the front of that mammoth line!! Can  you grab us a couple of Smirnoff Ice??" Oh yeah.

And so, it began.

And so, this post devolves into a sophomoric recount of my drunk girl escapades. Please accept my apologies.

As a general rule, I don't drink to excess so this was a noteworthy event.

Since my memory is greatly blotted out by the consumption of alcohol (particularly Smirnoff Ice), the details are a bit sketchy so this is a perfect time for me to compile...

"A Not-so-Comprehensive List of Things I'm Pretty Sure I Probably Experienced This Past Saturday Night"
by: squirrel_e_girl

• Within the first 4.3 minutes, I was startled by both....  a) a slap on my ass dealt by a dude I dated relatively seriously about 22 years ago (22 f%*king years ago!!?? How is that even possible??) and... b) the sudden and unexpected appearance of my mortgage broker who just happened to be standing next to the aforementioned former boyfriend. Now, that may not seem weird to you, but it completely freaked me out... in a good "oh my god that's hilarious" kinda way
• I saw my hairdresser
• I declared my deep undying platonic fondness to 2 maybe 3 people (who just happen to be beloved readers, too. Hi guys!!!) ...and I must stress that the quantity of declarations, by no means, diminishes the quality or sincerity of my words. Although I do hope that the Caesar Salad I had for supper didn't make the experience less than enjoyable for the objects of my, no doubt, close-talking affections.
• I passionately apologised (several times) to the owners of the poor dog whose face I accidentally slammed in a door (drawing blood) a few months ago while she was in my care :(
• I peed with my sister in a very small washroom stall
• I totally managed to survive a rather awkward encounter where I went on and on to a woman about how cool her wedding invitation was (I happened upon it while sorting through paperwork and packing last week) only to find out that she and her husband had just recently broken up. Apparently, I am waaaaayyy outta the loop.
• I put all of our auction tickets towards a pet portrait thingy that we very well might've won except my Guy didn't have his glasses and therefore couldn't read the wee lil numbers and I was too busy off galavanting being all extroverted-like to realise that the winning tickets were being drawn 

...which leads me to...

• I was an extremely inconsiderate date and left my poor non-native-Orillian Sweetie to fend for himself in a sea of drunk and disorderly Orillians for the bulk of the night. Tsk Tsk. Shame on me. I'm sorry.
• I relentlessly teased a guy who, years ago at a house party we had, thought that coming into my bathroom to talk to me...my ensuite, no less...while I was in the shower was a completely acceptable idea. (it was super late and I was hitting the hay). I don't think his wife had heard that particular story before ....oops.
• I sang "Ride, Sally. Ride" into the mic during Mustang Sally...at least I think I did. Although that may have been the last time I saw that band...5 years ago. Huh.... Leave that one with me.
• I had a very serious conversation with a friend about a very serious thing and I hope she knows that everything will all work out in the end and that she is an awesome Mom.
• I punched my Erstwhile Husband really really hard in the arm... just because :)

....and the Hands-Down-Without-a-Doubt Most Exciting Thing to Happen was...

•  seeing my most favourite pen-pal EVER for the first time in almost forever. One of the best surprises I've ever had the joy of experiencing. WAHOOOOO!!!

And then we went home and, as every fun evening out should end, I found myself lying on my bathroom floor in my underwear, crying hysterically for no apparent reason. Ahhhh!!! Good Times.

My MOST AMAZING GUY took gentle and wonderful care of me all the rest of the night/really early morning and I applaud his craftiness in convincing me that while he didn't doubt that my head was far too heavy for me to lift up off the floor and that if he just brought me a pillow, I'd be fine, he was almost 100% positive that it would be a whole lot easier for me to lean out of bed to throw up into a bucket than it would be for me to have to sit up and climb into the toilet bowl each and every time I barfed. The man is a genius. Thank You <3

My darling Son kept me company for most of the next morning and hung out in bed with me while I moaned and groaned and advised him to steer clear of the booze. He thought showing me this "Point of View" video of the new rollercoaster at Wonderland was a great idea. I didn't. It was some prime Mother-Son bonding time....I'm pretty sure parenting experts far and wide would agree.

I managed to ingest an Advil and a chocolate-dipped donut for brunch and we went for a nice hike with the hounds so the day wasn't a complete write-off.

I went to bed at 8:10 ....which is unheard of in squirrel_e_girl world...and I woke up this morning happy as a clam and fit as a fiddle.

The Day After the Day After is a beautiful thing.

The End.

A Month in Review...

October was a big month in squirrel_e_girl world.

Lots 'o' shit went down, man.

Huh...I was just about to put all my October Shenanigans into a little list-y thing but I'm hesitating because I'm thinking I've perhaps overdone the  "list" format and I definitely don't want to get stuck in a rut.

I want to stay fresh ...sharp ...innovative

'Cuz that's just the way I roll.

But...

I

can't

seem

to

help

my

self.....


"A Comprehensive List of Reasons Why I Will Continue Posting Comprehensive Lists"
by: squirrel_e_girl

• I like lists ...I like readin' em. I like watchin' em on TV. I like writin' em. I like 'em.
• It's a bit easier to be clever-ish in bullet points than it is in proper sentences or paragraphs.
• I don't have to worry about making all sorts of logical transitions between thoughts like I do when I write actual writing.
• I like soup.

Is it too late to change the name of my blog??

Ah man... I saw this today and now have tumbled stripey-tail first into a major identity crisis.

Take a peek and you'll understand my plight:

Chipmunks are waaaaaaayyyy cuter and Look!! These little dudes have a cage and a wheel and everything .

 "Musings From the Chipmunk Cage" by chipmunk_e_girl

Whaddya think??

....hmmmm...Actually, I think I'll stick with my squirrels. That extra syllable in 'chipmunk' messes with the whole rhythm and flow....And I'm all about the rhythm and flow. (although I do have a bastard of a time trying to spell 'rhythm' right ... 'rhyme' is another word that causes me grief. Apparently, the "rhy" combo doesn't sit well with me)

OK...everyone back to your stations. Major Identity Crisis averted.

Although... I also stumbled upon this video:

honeybadger_e_girl has a pretty nice ring to it, dontcha think??

Nah...I'm nowhere near badass enough. And, I don't eat snakes.

So Many Excuses. So Little Time.

Well, it's October and you know what that means....Yep, you are absolutely right... I totally blew off September's blog post.

What kind of Blogger Extraordinaire am I??

A bad one...That's what kind of Blogger Extraordinaire I am.

In my defence, I do happen to have several relatively solid excuses for why I didn't write anything of any real substance in September.

So, without further ado, here is...

"A Comprehensive List of Several Relatively Solid Excuses for Why I Didn't Write Anything of Any Real Substance in September"
by: squirrel_e_girl

•  My Sweetie and I scored some kick ass tickets to see Pearl Jam, so, including travel time, dinner at McDonalds and a peebreak on the side of the DVP, that little adventure alone took up a good 5-6 hours of quality September writing time.
  ~ An aside- 2011 marks the 19th anniversary of my torrid (one-sided) love affair with Eddie Vedder...a momentous occasion if  ever there was one. That...and the band celebrates its 20th year together which I guess is pretty cool, too. Here's a clip of what we experienced... PJ20 in Toronto ...and for fun (and for my own personal jollies) here is the original video for "Alive" ... I guess Eddie's days of crowd surfing and hanging from the lighting scaffolding are long past ... but then again, so are mine :D ~

• We are the proud feeders/watchers of 2 adorable baby Cardinals - a wee girl and a wee boy- and they have kept me very busy. It is well nigh impossible to watch cute fluffy baby birds hop around AND write a blog at the same time.

Our Wee Baby Cardinals

• My kids swiped my iPad charger cord thingy so it was a challenge to keep my iPad charged up. I finally got it back and am good to go.

• I just happen to reside in some sort of 3G internet signal black hole and over the past few months the situation has deteriorated to the point where I would rather sit in a corner smashing myself in the face with a hammer than spend any length of time trying to stay online. To give you an idea how bad it is, Rogers actually gave us money back AND have reduced our monthly fees ...I kid you not. THAT is how suck ass our internet is. In order to maintain my tenuous grip on sanity, I have been avoiding the computer as much as I possibly can...and one can't write a blog post and not use the internet, now can one??

• I seem to have had a bit of a jumpstart on my annual foray into Seasonal Affective Disorder this year. (add that to my Social Anxiety Disorder and it makes me "S.A.D Squared"...hmmm a good name for a band, perhaps). In anticipation of this upcoming winter and its cold dark bleakness, I have been stewing in a nice case of the blahs and haven't really wanted to do much of anything. But now it's October and I adore October and all its pretty pumpkins and leaves and crisp smells and such. Apparently, a brief but spectacular influx of the colour orange is enough to distract me from dreary thoughts of November and December ... and January ...and February ...and March... sigh... so I'm feeling great(mostly).

• For a couple of weeks, I was working super duper full-time as Despot Ruler  at the kennel and getting up at 5:30 am kinda kicked the crap out of me and rendered me rather useless for that 2 week stretch. It's tough being a Night Owl living an Early Bird's life. Hoo Hoo.

• I couldn't think of anything good to write about. I was a little short on inspiration ... It's not every day that one witnesses butterflies landing on dog poop...a blogger can only dream of such good fortune.

• Unfortunately, I started to read the A Song of Ice and Fire series (yes, I am a nerd) ...A Game of Thrones being the first of five 1000+ page tomes. I've trudged through four of the five books, and so, have endured 4000+ pages of brutally depressing yet ridiculously addictive narrative. There certainly are no happy endings in these bad boys. (Well, none of the literary variety anyway, if you know what I mean nudge nudge wink wink...rarrr) Needless to say, reading 4000+ pages of woefully gruesome tragedy really cuts into a squirrel_e_girl's writin' time....and upon reflection, may have something to do with my early onset blahs.

Oh yeah...and one last thing...

• We bought a house!!!! YAY US!!!! It has been a rather nerve-wracking/gut-twisting/drawn out ordeal, that, unlike those stupid books I'm reading, actually has a happy ending. More on that later...

I gotta start packing...you would not believe all the nuts I have to sort through ;)

Whaddya mean it's the last day of September...

...and I haven't written anything yet???

I am a bad bad blogger.

Bad Blogger.

More later.

BUT....

...at least, now I've posted something in September.

Even though this something is a sorry excuse for a post.

BUT.....

Promise to myself kept!

Oh yeah.

Guilty As Charged

Life is a wonderful fabulous beautiful thing.  It has meaning. It has purpose.

~A Quick Stream of Consciousness Tangent...Auto-Correct brings so many unexpected flashes of joy into my world. For example... Just now, I was typing "purpose" and had misspelled it somehow. Auto-Correct saw fit to switch my spelled-wrong "purpose" to "pepper"...which totally cracks me up. I might just leave it that way. Not exactly the sentence or sentiment I'm going for but it is true so why not go with it.~

My Blog Post Take 2...

Life is a wonderful fabulous beautiful thing.  It has meaning. It has pepper.

Life just wouldn't be life if it had no meaning. Pepper, on the other hand, I'm not a huge fan of so I could easily do without....but... Everyone has a purpose... Something to strive for... Something to work towards... Something to give their life meaning.

Meaning is important.

You know what else is important?

Pleasure.

Pleasure is fun and it's important to have fun.

You know what's even funner than plain old run of the mill pleasure???

~Oh,  silly Auto-Correct!! No, I don't mean "runner"... I mean "funner"~

You know what's even funner than plain old run of the mill pleasure???

That's right!!!

The always awesome...

The ever entertaining....

 I'm talkin' 'bout the one... the only...

The Guilty Pleasure!!

Oh yeah.

Everyone's got one....at least one... and if you don't then I don't wanna be friends with you anymore. No, I mean it....Scram. Go be meaningful and purposeful with some other bloggy crowd. I'm going to write about fun stupid stuff and I don't want you killin' my buzz.

Personally, I have more than at least one. In fact, I have several and I am going to share them with you in something I'd like to call...

"A Comprehensive List of Stuff That I Really Really Enjoy But I'm a Little/a Lot Embarrassed To Actually Admit It" 
by: squirrel_e_girl

• "Party for Two" by Shania Twain & Mark McGrath - Such a baaaaad song but I can't help but sing and chair-dance along whenever it comes on the radio "WOO!!"

And speaking of the once-kinda-cute-now-kinda-plastic-y-cheesy Mark McGrath...

• Don't Forget the Lyrics - Nothin' like watchin' a really bad karaoke gameshow late at night when I should be sleeping so I'm not zombie-like tired in the morning "WOO!"
• Ke$ha - Trashy Trashy Trashy but Catchy Catchy Catchy. I kinda hate myself for loving her but I can't help myself.
• Nickelback - Dirty Cheese... best served super loud in the car when you're driving by yourself
• Whitney Houston...The Early Years - C'mon! Who doesn't love "How Will I Know"? A little bit of the beautiful young fresh-faced Whitney does a soul good.
• So You Think You Can Dance/American Idol - Usually referred to as Dancin'/Singin' in our household ...well, by me anyway... As in "Hurry up and finish eating so I can go watch Dancin'"... I love these shows (mostly) especially now that the judges are way too soft and nice. Mean makes me sad.
• Sneaking furtive peeks at The National Enquirer while standing in line at the grocery store - "For people with enquiring minds...like me". It's extremely important for me to know which celebrity looks worse than I do in a bathing suit. And while I would never ever actually buy one of those newspapers, I have been known, on occasion, to purchase a copy of "People". I believe that publication scores a bit lower on the Guilty Pleas-ometer so it doesn't get its own bullet-point.
• Playing Stupid games on my computer/iPad - This time and mind devouring habit started years ago with a simple game of Solitaire on our first laptop. Solitaire morphed into Spider Solitaire and then I discovered Bejeweled Blitz. Then came my iPad... along with a bottomless supply of Apps. First, there was the ridiculously ridiculous PocketFrogs...who knew hopping about on lilypads making frogs have sex was so much fun?? And my current addiction is stupid Crazy Birds ...most people call it Angry Birds ....I don't. I do try to mix in the odd word game like Scrabble or Boggle just to keep my mind sharp ;)
• My iPad - I spend far more time with my iPad than is healthy but I'm not going to think about that.
• Dairy Queen - Need I say more??
• !!!/???/... - I am developing my own grammatical style that is based on excessive use of exclamation points, question marks and dot dot dots... Purists may cringe but f$@k 'em!!!! (Oddly enough, while I am ruthlessly judgmental when it comes to spelling, the improper use of apostrophes and the whole your/you're and there/their/they're thing, I am rather careless with/ignorant of almost every other aspect of grammar. And most everyone who reads this won't give a rat's bum about anything I just said but I felt I should offer up some sort of self-observation/justification  to those of you who are of sound grammatical mind and may just be offended by my bad grammar ...but please do remember what I just wrote about Purists)

Back to my self-indulgent list of my self-indulgences...

• McDonald's - I know the food is beyond bad for me and together with Walmart (aka The Evil Empire), McDonald's is responsible for most of what's wrong with Western Civilization ....you heard it here first, folks... but goddamn but I do love me a McChicken Meal - small fries, small banilla shake <---- (see that...  SMALL!! So really, I'm only being a fraction of the bad that I could be being)
• Swearing - Classy, right??!! Swearing is fun. It's a lil somethin' I picked up during my first year at university and I haven't looked back, Motherf@$ker!!!!
• Left-over Pumpkin Pie in my fridge - If there is pump-i-kin pie (with real whipped cream mmmmmmmm) in my house, I cannot be held responsible for my actions. I will share with my Boy and my Sweetie but they've gotta stay on their toes. If they're not careful, sneaky piece by sneaky piece, I WILL eat ALL of it. The same also holds true for Quaker Oaks butter tarts.
• Nutella - Super good for you right??? Hazelnuts are healthy, aren't they?? The commercial tells me they are so it must be true.
• SpongeBob - Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?? The awesomest most annoying cartoon character EVER!!! If I were to run down the checklist of everything that makes my brain hurt and causes my eye to twitch (A HA!! Perhaps a future blog post list thing??!!), SpongeBob has got everything pretty much covered. He should drive me absolutely bananas ...really, really... but miraculously, he doesn't. I heart SpongeBob.
• The Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon - Historical Fiction, Time Travel, a hot 18th century Scottish dude having smokin' hot sex with a strong 20th century woman ....doesn't get any better than that!! I have to cover my framed English degree with a heavy blanket when I read(and re-read) these books so I can't feel its disappointed, disapproving glare boring a hole into my brain. Jamie and Claire, I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! :D 
• The Twilight series...Books AND Movies - The dark-blanket-covered degree gets tucked away into a far corner of the basement when those babies are being enjoyed. I'll leave it at that.
• The Wedding Planner - I love this movie. Love. It. It is so sweet and sappy and smooshy and happy ending-y. It even came out before J Lo got too big for her britches ...figuratively,anyway ... bahahahhahahha
• Hoarders - aka(by me) The Crazies. It's soooooooo bad and soooooo voyeuristic  and sooooooo very very  good. But I have to say that it has almost become almost too depressing to watch. Almost. Its effect on me is two-sided... On the one hand, watching it makes me feel happy that my house is beyond immaculate compared to the ones on the show and it inspires periodic bursts of cleaning and purging...so that's good, right?? On the other hand, it makes me a wee bit concerned to know that I have several empty Tide boxes under my laundry sink and more than a couple not quite empty bottles of shampoo in my linen closet.
• Watching couples fight at the boat ramp while they try to launch their boat off the trailer and into the water &/or try to get their boat out of the water and back onto the trailer - tee hee hee :)
• Naps/Sleeping in/Just plain old Sleeping - I L.O.V.E to sleep ... I'm very very bad at it but I love it (I have a similar relationship with golf) My nice warm comfy bed surrounded by billowy mounds of pillows...ahhhhhh heaven... makes all my sleep issues worthwhile.
• Small Dogs (more specifically...poodles) - Small dogs are excellent and funny and easy to pick up. Yeah, they can be yappy and weirdos sometimes carry them around in purses (easy to pick up, remember?!) but who cares...they're still awesome ...and easy to pick up. Poodles (big AND small) have been subjected to foppy foolish haircuts forever and you shouldn't let a silly hair-do  get in the way of getting to know a poodle. Some of the best pooches I know are poodles.
• Reading to excess - I adore all things books and if I happen to be in the middle of a great read, I tend to let everything else ....even Hoarders and Sleeping ...fall by the wayside. I know... Crazy right??!

Speaking of which...

• Reading my own blog ... to excess - It's true. I like to read what I write ...over and over and over again. And again. And again. I think there might be something wrong with me.

** Special Note:
If I had compiled this list a few months ago, Country Music would've held a coveted place amongst the bullet points above but since I came out of the Country Music Closet in an earlier post, good ol Hurtin' Music has made the leap from Guilty Pleasure to Loud n' Proud, baby!!! Loud n' Proud!!!

Quit Buggin' Me!!!!

"Why Earwigs Totally Freak Me Out"
by: squirrel_e_girl

Earwigs totally freak me out because:
(in no particular order)

• They look like this....

• The first time I became aware of their existence, I was 7 or 8 years old hanging out in a dark musty old tent trailer that my parents had unfortunately rented for our first... actually ... our only family camping trip and the dark/musty/several hundred earwig combo didn't do a bunch to establish a foundation for a loving, trusting relationship.

• They look like this...

Ahhhhh... Babies... How adorable.

• They have pincers attached to their bums. 'Nuff said.

• They look like this....

• They have the creepily magical power to manifest out of thin air. I have no idea how the hell they do it or where the hell they come from but on more than one occasion, I've picked up a facecloth that has been draped on the side of my bathtub to dry or a dishcloth performing a similar act only on the edge of my kitchen sink and ... HOLY SHIT!!! Out scurries a nasty little earwig!! Quick!!! Smish the bepincered f@$ker!! And I've had this happen in the dead if winter. Sure...summer I get. Windows are open. Doors don't always get shut all the way...Lots of logical explanations as to how a single insect can show up in my bathroom. But in the winter??? Two storeys away from a basement?? I detect a whiff of sulphur-y brimstone, don't you??

• They look like this...

• They seem to randomly fall out of the sky .... onto my head. I challenge anybody ...Any. Body. .. to not spasm and spin about whilst squealing like a wee girl &/or swearing like a trucker if one of these foul little beasts lands on your head or falls down the back/front of your shirt. I've even heard tell of a incident where dozens dropped down onto a poor soul's head after he innocently opened a door into an outbuilding. DOZENS. I can't even bring myself to imagine. Goddamn.

• They look like this...

Did you know they had wings?Yeah,neither did I.

• They like to use my mailbox as some sort of clubhouse/community centre. Congregate elsewhere, you exoskeletal jerks.

• They look like this....

• They eat holes in my pretty flowers....grrrrrrrrrrr

• They look like this....

• Anything that has stories/myths/old wives' tales recounting the "fact" that it enjoys crawling down the ear canal of its unsuspecting sleeping victim then perforating its eardrums with those f@$king disturbing  pincers is no friend of mine. No how. No way. I don't care that I'm well-versed in the ways of the world and I logically realise that this horrifying phenomenon is but a mere story/myth/old wives' tale... some things just can't be un-imagined. Ever.

And, last but certainly not least...

• They look like this...