A Blue Angel ...but not the kind you're most likely thinking of.

You might/might not remember a few weeks back, I wrote a post about my iTunes binge. The primary focus of my  musical gluttony was a band named City and Colour ...or... more specifically, a dulcet-toned angel named Dallas Green (aka (by me) Dallas F$&KING Green).

I love him.

And what I'm about to write does not in any way diminish that love....

But...

I feel the need to issue some sort of warning.

Here is my cautionary tale:

As previously noted, a few weeks back, I bought a shit ton (or so) of City and Colour tunes. My ears were bathed in a near-constant flow of the milk and honey that is Dallas Green’s voice.

I was in heaven.

But then a funny thing happened.

I gradually became aware of the fact that I was feeling a wee bit blue...nothing too horrible, I was just a little down.

As the days passed, my case of the gloomies deepened until one afternoon, I found myself curled up on the couch wallowing in a full blown state of melancholy...I went the whole nine yards: tears, my favourite snuggly blanket, surrounded myself with my herd of empathetic animals ... except for my Wheaten Terrier, Spencer, who is a bit of a jerk and hits the road as soon as I show the first sign of any emotional distress... which reminds me of a funny (to me, anyway) story...so, if you'll excuse me for a short moment, I'm going to lapse into...

~A Little Stream of Consciousness Aside... Almost exactly 4 years ago, I experienced the worst day of my life ...and I’m not being melodramatic or exaggerating even a little bit ...it had been, by anyone's definition, a shitty shitty SHITTY day. Anyhow, it was the middle of the night and I couldn't shut my brain off long enough to fall asleep and I had finally reached the breaking point. Not wanting to disturb my then-husband, my imminent emotional breakdown and I climbed out of bed and headed downstairs where we could continue our business of falling completely to pieces without disrupting my sleeping  family’s peace. Accompanying me and my breakdown was my 9 month old puppy/constant companion, Spencer. I curled up under my snuggly blanket on the couch and Spence assumed his customary position curled up at my feet. I pressed the Resume button, and my breakdown continued with full force. It was really quite something...I'm not much one for sobbing...never ever really...A Crier? Yes. A Sobber? No...but this time was different. I had mustered up some impressive bone-shaking sob-action with my little furry best friend at my side/feet for support...or so I thought, since that's what dogs are known for, right?? ...Providers of silent, non-judgemental comfort and support in times of great need...yeah...well, not my dog. Just as I was hitting my stride, I was thrown off-task by the abrupt exit of my heartless hound. Not only did he beat a hasty retreat, abandoning me to my grief and sorrow, but as he left the room...Spencer, the Sufferer of Extreme “I cannot bear to live if you are out of my sight, Lady” Separation Anxiety, actually LEFT the room...and as he left, he looked back over his shoulder and shot me a look that very distinctly said, “Fuck. This. I'm going somewhere where I can sleep in peace. Pull yourself together, Lady. You're embarrassing yourself.” He was so obviously disgusted by my undignified behaviour that I couldn't help but chuckle at the expression on his face. Through my mask of snot and tears, I called after him “Where the hell are you going, you little jerk? ‘Man’s Best Friend’, my ass!! I should've stuck with cats!! They’d never desert me like this!! INGRATE!!” and then proceeded to giggle my brains out ...probably as much a result of my hysteria as from any situational dog-humour, but hysterical laughter is better than inconsolable crying. So I guess, in his own jerk-face way, Spencer fulfilled his obligatory canine role as human supporter/comforter. His cold and callous abandonment pulled me back off the ledge of emotional ruin and I was thus able to gather my wits and manage a couple of hours of sleep so I could better face the next day. Thanks, Spence. You’re always(not) there when I need you xoxo~

Back to my cautionary tale...

To reset the scene...I'm waxing melancholic on the couch surrounded by my support team of pets (with one obvious omission...jerk) and I can't for the life of me, figure out why I'm feeling so glum.

There is no reason for it...

My world is spinning around me all tickittyboo-like ....

We’re nicely settled in to our beautiful new home.

Kids are happy and healthy.

My Guy is happy and healthy.

Companion animals are happy and healthy ...and characteristically, either empathetic or asshole-ish.

I've come to terms with dismal bird feeder turnout, so that's not an issue.

 I'm reading a happy book (the brutal and violent and depressing ...yet awesome...A Song of Ice and Fire series now far behind me...phew!!).

I've had Dallas F$&KING Green serenading me by way of my iPad for the past week or so and his voice is so beautiful and angelic and his songs are so happy and uplif...

...ting

....

....

Hmmmmmm

Wait a minute.

As beautiful and angelic as Dallas F$&KING Green’s voice truly is...the lyrics he sings are a little less than upbeat and bouncy ...

In fact...

They are depressing as hell...(“Little Hell”, as the case may be.)

In fact...

I did a little research and happened upon an article/review that went a little something like this:

Sound Advice: Little Hell by City and Colour
BY ALEX NINO GHECIU
Every Tuesday, Torontoist scours record store shelves in search of the city’s most notable new releases and brings you the best—or sometimes just the biggest—of what we’ve heard in Sound Advice.

“Recently I said in an interview that I don’t want to make people dance—I want to make people cry,” recalls Dallas Green in a mini-documentary about City and Colour’s third album, Little Hell (out today on Dine Alone). “But I think I have to take that back.”
Yes, Little Hell kind of makes you want to dance. Lead single “Fragile Bird” (streaming right), featuring a slick blues-funk groove replete with a skronky fuzz guitar solo, is a spirited departure from Green’s usual sad-guy-with-an-acoustic shtick. He ramps up the rock elsewhere: “Weightless” has an electrified behind-the-beat pull reminiscent of Ragged Glory–era Neil Young, while “Natural Disaster” is a buoyant, Southern-tinged pop gem. For the most part, however, Little Hell makes you want to cry again.
There are plenty of delicate folk dirges here—enough to remind you that City and Colour is still the Alexisonfire guitarist’s touchy-feely alter ego. But what’s changed most noticeably is the subject matter Green’s making you blubber about. Whereas previous releases Sometimes and Bring Me Your Love were full of vague heartbreak anthems that could easily be MacGyvered into panty droppers, this record confronts intimate anxieties so candidly it’d make Kanye West sweat. On “O’ Sister,” Green addresses his sister’s mental health problems in an upfront, barefaced manner (“Does it have something to do with the pills they gave to you?”). “The Grand Optimist” sees him lament the schism between his own pessimism and his father’s rosy world view. Heck, “Fragile Bird” even plunges into the night terrors suffered by his wife, which is particularly revealing as we all know who she is: TV host Leah Miller.
Little Hell is one big step outside of Green’s comfort zone—sonically and, above all, thematically. Rather than whine about his girlfriend being in a different area code, he’s now more inclined to roll up his sleeves and wrestle palpable demons head on. This time around he’s not concerned with making you cry; he’s too busy dealing with things that make him cry. And those are man tears he’s weeping.

AH HA!!!!

Dallas F$&KING Green was leading me down the path to SadTown....like the Pied Piper... minus the pipe ...and the rats.

That voice and that guitar had lured me to the Dark Side...the Blue Side, really...the Dark Blue side...Navy Blue, maybe.

So, I knew what I had to do...

I had to either give up Dallas ...

OR...

Up my dosage and forsake the outside world...

And smiling ...

Forever.

A tougher decision I had rarely faced.

After much thought, I managed to forge a compromise between my world weary soul and my Dallas F$&KING Green addicted ears.

First, I cut back my usage. Showering without him was the hardest break to make.

Then, I found an antidote to the D.F.G Gloomies and....ironically enough... I found it in the guise of country music!!

 Weird, huh??

Listening to country music to get HAPPY??!!

Well, actually, it's country music that isn't really country, really.

I headed back into iTunesLand and grabbed me a couple of Zac Brown Band records and I believe I am cured.

Like Dallas, Zac Brown has an awesome and beautifully smooth voice.

Unlike Dallas, Zac Brown has a sense of humour and sense of joy that radiate and shine through his music. He sings with Jimmy Buffet ...need I say more?

Here are some awesome examples of his positive vibe:

It is because of Zac Brown Band that I can smile once again :D

Disclaimer: Dallas F$&KING Green, in real life, may be a right regular Jimmy Fallon/Susie Sunshine but there is no denying that his lyrics are not hilarious nor are they particularly sunshiny.

And that leads me to my warning....

Please use Dallas F$&KING Green in moderation.

He is as sorrowful as he is beautiful...and it's very catchy.

Consider yourself warned.

Enjoy Responsibly.



p.s. I love you, Dallas F$&KING Green.

...balls

I'm thinking I might have to give up swearin'.

Nope...You're not hallucinating....You read right. 

I'm gonna ease up on my reliance on the profane. 

As much as I love...L.O.V.E... LOVE a well-placed dirty word, I think I might've reached the limit to what even I can accept as being acceptable.

Here's what happened...

The other night, My Sweetie, My Girl and I were all sitting on the couch playing Fruit Ninja, seeing who could slice the most fruits having a wonderfully fun time. 

~Now, before I continue, I feel I must address those of you who are perhaps rolling your eyes thinking how lame it is to sit around playing iPad games ... you have no idea how beautifully awesome (not to mention unfortunately infrequent) it is to have an opportunity to spend a night playing and laughing with a 15 year old who chooses to hang out with her Mum on a Friday. Yay Me!!~

So....We were having an absolute blast...The Girl, of course, was killing us...She is a Fruit Ninja Extraordinaire....a Fruit Ninja Ninja, if you will. I can hold my own but she was pulling in 10 Fruit Combos ....which is virtually unheard of. Pure Fruit Ninja Gold.

My Guy is a bit of a newb and, as such, kinda sucks.

The mother-daughter competition was beyond fierce. 

Fruit was being slaughtered all over the place!! 

Unbridled enthusiasm and reckless excitement filled the air!!

It was my turn...things were going well. I had a couple of sweet combos under my belt and I was making the most of my mad slicing skills!!

And then...

I missed the Fruit Frenzy Banana...

Super frustrated, I shouted the first thing that leapt to my mind....

"COCK...balls"

Well, that was it. Any semblance of class and decorum dissolved instantly. The Girl laughed until she hurt herself and.... I think she might've peed her pants. 

Goddamn, it was beyond hilarious. All three of us ended up in tears, clutching our aching sides.

Ahhhh good times.

Good clean Family Friday Night Fun.

BUT...

It got me to thinking.

This incident forced me to realize that if my idea of an appropriate dirty-word-diffusing substitute for "SUCKER!!!" is "...balls", then I might have to do some serious re-evaluation of my knee-jerk, 'go-to' lexicon. 

What if... I stubbed my toe in a room full of toddlers??

What if... I smashed my thumb with a hammer in front of an octogenarian bridge game??

Suppose I used the wrong fork whilst dining with the Queen??

I shudder to think of the possibilities...and their grim consequences.

So....

After much reflection, I've decided to re-vamp my vocabulary. 

No more swears for me. 

...for now ;)

Profanity, An Angel & A Wee Bit o' iTunes

So, I think I'm probably maybe the only person on the planet who owns Apple products (an iPad AND an iPhone) and has never ever purchased a single tune from iTunes ...or for that matter, has never ever downloaded a single tune from any source any where onto any of my Apple devices.

That is...

Until two nights ago...

And then things got a little bit crazy.

It all started when a Facebook Friend (My Sweetie's cousin whom I've yet to meet ...she has exceptional taste in music and is an extraordinary photographer) posted upon my wall, an amazing video by an amazing dude...

 Lead Singer for City and Colour- Dallas 'I have the voice of an angel' Green (formerly of Alexisonfire)


I finished watching and thought to myself, "Godamn, Self, but I do love me some Dallas Green. He's got the voice of a f$&king angel." <---being swept away by amazing music makes me swear...believe it or not ;)

I proceeded to watch the video 8 1/2 more times until I finally broke, smashed my fist down on the counter and loudly proclaimed ...to myself..."Self!! It is a f%#king CRIME...a CRIME... that I do NOT have any Dallas Green on either of my Apple devices. If I DID, I could listen to his dulcet tones whenever the f&@k I felt like it." <----more impassioned, musically-induced profanity at its finest.

Then...

 All hell broke loose.

I signed into my iTunes account and finally bought something. (other than many many ridiculous gaming apps ...my latest ridiculous gaming app addictions being Fruit Ninja  and Plants vs Zombies)

Well...

Actually...

One thing lead to another and I bought more than a singular something...I bought several somethings.

And here's:

"A Comprehensive List of the Several Somethings I Purchased, in a Fit Of Passionately Profane Dallas Green-lessness, on iTunes the Other Night"
by:squirrel_e_girl

• The entire City and Colour collection....including their live album. In hindsight, I may have acted a wee bit rashly...If I were less of an iTunes neophyte, I would've sifted through all the albums a little more carefully, thereby drastically reducing the number of duplicate songs. One version of Save Your Scissors is probably sufficient...ok... maybe two...three TOPS. Then, when this song came up and I was reminded that the always kickass Gord Downie accompanies Dallas on it, I was also reminded of yet another glaring omission from my music library...
• The Tragically Hip's first release which I used to have on tape but now I  have only the tape case... and that dastardly case has, for a decade and a half (at least), taunted me with its very (empty) existence. Here's the video for Small Town Bringdown ...one of the 7 (+ bonus track) raw and beautifully unpolished tracks on this EP. 
• Cat Steven's Tea For The Tillerman ...the cd we listened to during the labour and birth of my beautiful Son. Same story as the empty Hip cassette case but in this case, the offending empty vessel is in cd form....but that doesn't make its emptiness any less mocking. Stupid case. Most excellent cd. Here's Father and Son 
• All For You by Sister Hazel ...a song I absolutely adore that just happened to be that particular day's 'Blast From The Past' on a radio station I sometimes listen to but not with the enthusiasm I used to before my favourite announcer left in order to march to his own drum.. Kudos to you, RJM!!
• And if Venice is Sinking by Spirit of the West....a song I absolutely adore that I heard on CBC Radio 2 earlier that same day. Love it!
• Weighty Ghost by Wintersleep...a song I absolutely adore that showed up when I was searching City and Colour stuff. Yay! Thanks iTunes for reuniting me with this great tune.
• Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine...a song I absolutely adore that I first heard during the final scene of "Twilight" (please accept my sincerest apologies...not for the song 'cause it's crazy awesome, but for the fact that I watched, and, for the most part, enjoyed that ridiculous movie)
• Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye ...a song I absolutely adore that I first heard as a cover version in this viral video by Walk Off The Earth. Very cool. 
• Can't Keep by Eddie Vedder ...a song I absolutely adore that is by Eddie Vedder. Enough said.

Isn't that a crazy cool video?

I heart Eddie Vedder.

And Dallas F&@KING Green.

And iTunes.

And now, I'm wandering around the house with my iPad hoisted up on my shoulder, pressed into my ear...the Ghetto Blaster of my 40s.

I think I may have created a monster.

Oh yeah.

***************
Note: Sometimes, but not always, Dallas F&*KING Green bears an eerily remarkable resemblance to my brother...especially in the Save Your Scissors video...totally freaked me out the first time I saw it...still does really.

THIS JUST IN:
Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love Dallas F*&KING Green any more than I already do...he goes and does this:

So it would seem that  he not only has the voice of an angel... he also has the heart of an angel...sigh... <3



Also...If the word iTunes appears to be hyperlinked anywhere in this post, it is not of my doing. There is some phantom advertising popping up every now and then.

Pebbles and Bamm Bamm vs .... The Devil??

This past weekend, my Guy and I were sitting in our awesome new kitchen in our awesome new house watching birds at our feeders (don't get too excited...still only chickadees...sigh) whilst eating a super delicious Toddler Lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches (cut into triangles) and apple slices and milk. We were chit-chatting away about our lack of any cool birds (Sorry, chickadees...you're super cute but not terribly cool) and  I'm not entirely sure how the conversation arrived at this point but it went a little something like this...

Me: something something something "way up there"

and then I burst into song  "Way up. Way up" ...

"Hey, do you remember that song from The Flintstones? With the space dudes with the shaggy long hair"

My Guy: "Yeah, I do... I loved 'The Way Outs'. They're awesome."

Me: "Yeah! And they had little boxy things that came apart when they kinda jumped and sang 'Way Up. Way Up' ... wait a second...did you say 'The Way Outs'?"

My Guy: "Yep."

Me: "Hmmm"

My Guy: "Or maybe they were 'The Way Ups'... I dunno."

Me: "Hmmmm"

Me: "Hmmmmmmm"

So, all of a sudden, my world has been rocked ...ever so slightly...but rocked nonetheless. And not in the good way.

 Have I possibly been singing that little tune wrong my entire life?? Because, I have actually sung/sang that song in my head (but probably out loud) on many different occasions when the situation deemed it necessary.

Way Out? Way Out?

NOT

Way Up? Way Up?

Could this possibly be possible??

Hmmmmm.

So, of course, as is my usual reaction when I feel the need to prove myself right (or in this case, prove myself wrong??!!), I leapt up and fetched my iPad and did myself a little Google-ing.

And, sure enough, I was ....

WRONG.

So, now with YouTube open and going, we further followed the theme of our Toddler Lunch and watched a whole bunch of  Flintstone clips like this one:

Which I sing to my parents on their anniversary every year.

And, this one:

Which I sing when we eat burgers.On buns.

And then there's this one:

Judo CHOP!!!

 How many of you ran around mercilessly Judo Chopping your siblings?? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 

Ah...Good Times!!

And then...something awful happened. 

If  I thought  my world was rocked (not in the good way) by the whole Way Up/Way Out debacle...

Well, that was child's play (<--- Toddler Lunch Theme) compared to what was about to be exposed.

Here we go...

Me: "Oh YAY!! I loved this song...

      

         'So let the sun shine in. 

         Face it with a grin.  

         Smilers never lose. 

        And frowners never win'

And then I hit PLAY ... and my world will never be the same again...

...

...

What.

The.

Fuck.

Since WHEN did this song talk about the devil and hating him so and saying prayers and the devil feeling awful awful when he sees her on her knees??

Obviously since forever... but how did I forget ...or not notice ... that it's a RELIGIOUS SONG??

I've been singing that little chorus, again, on many different occasions when the situation deemed it necessary, probably even MORE often than "Way Up. Way Up."...and had absolutely no idea that the verses were so hard-core.

Those of you who know me, may know that I'm not a huge fan of all things religion and haven't been since I was 12 (my apologies to those of you who are...I'm not meaning to offend) so this song, which I have adored FOREVER has taken on a whole new meaning for me ... literally.

Damn.

I kinda wish I could un-watch it so I could continue to live in blissful ignorance. Beautifully unaware of all the devil stuff that's in all the rest of the song... except the sweet little chorus. 

It's kinda like way back when, when I found out how babies were made and then put 2 and 2 together and realized that my parents had sex 3 times... 

BLECH!!! 

GROSS!!!

Crazy is the New Black!!

...at least it seems to be in my world.

Over the past little while, as I've grown more accustomed to the mysterious and wondrous ways of this Grand Blogosphere, I've done a bit of exploring and I've found some really cool stuff. I really truly had no idea just how wildly expansive this virtual community is. I'm dumbfounded by the astonishing number of people out there who take time out of their daily lives to write about anything and everything. The mind staggers.

I guess it's the sense of faceless anonymity that allows and encourages people to share... And, when it comes right down to it, that's really what everyone is doing ... Sharing -- Laughter. Opinions. Thoughts. Plans. Knowledge. Emotions.

And secrets. Deeply personal secrets.

I find it amazing how candid bloggers generally are. And they can also be remarkably accepting and supportive, rallying behind one another in times of distress and sadness.

A faceless anonymous community.

I realize that my blog experience (writing and reading) is somewhat limited so perhaps I'm generalizing. I'll narrow my focus to the two blogs in particular that got me to thinking about all this stuff.

A friend (whom, by the by, I've never met...Thank you, Cyber Universe, for introducing us. I owe you one) introduced me to "Hyperbole and a Half" and "The Bloggess" and I have fallen head over heels in love with both of them. They are written by brilliantly hilarious, incredibly creative women and their words never fail to make me laugh out loud. Actually, they have both, on many many occasions, had me laughing hysterically...tears running down my face/tummy and face muscles hurting kind of hysterically.

And...

Both of these brilliantly hilarious, incredibly creative women struggle with serious mental health issues.

A.D.D.

Depression.

Anxiety.

Self Harm.

Both of these brilliantly hilarious, incredibly creative women have been brave enough to share their very intense struggles with the thousands who read their awesome funny irreverent blogs.

The outpouring of support and sympathy they have received by way of "comments" is truly amazing. I can only imagine what their inboxes have been flooded with.

What's just as amazing to me, is the fact that the vast majority of these comment-ers, alongside their words of support and sympathy, share their words of empathy and gratitude. Scores of "I've been there, too. It makes me feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only one. Thank you." stories.

Allie, of "Hyperbole and a Half" shares her story in this post .... Adventures in Depression

Jenny aka "The Bloggess", first opens up in this post....The Fight Goes On

 And here is the post that came the day after ... Wow


Make sure to check out the comments at the bottom of each post.

The irony of this 'phenomenon' has me shaking my head thinking how bizarre our world has become. Thousands of people from all around the globe rallying together to offer support to two women they've never actually met through a medium that allows everyone to stay tucked safely away from the world in their own basement/bedroom/office hidey-holes.

It's the distance created by the Cyber Universe that allows people to feel close and safe enough to share their secret-till-now inner torments.

It's the social disconnect of the Cyber Universe that fosters these strong,fiercely loyal virtual connections.

Weird.

But awesome.

And that's not even what I wanted to write about. Really.

What I wanted to write about is the fact that these super duper brilliantly hilarious women are complete nutters and that's really AWESOME!! Really Really.

And it's also really awesome that everyone is embracing and supporting these crazy ladies and elevating them to a sort of Cool Blogger Hero status.

And it's also really awesome that a whole bunch of people are outting themselves and coming clean about their own mental health issues.

And it's really super awesome that this, in some small way, is opening up conversations about this shitty stuff and will hopefully, in some small way, rip away some of the shitty stigma that has always been draped over these shitty disorders.

And talking is really Awesome!! Really Really.

And, since I am the long-time and now-proud suffer-er of a couple o' sweet mental health disorders myself, I, too, can be part of the Cool Crazy Kid Bloggy Crowd...only I seem to be short several thousand followers.

Damn.

Oh well.  While I may not have taken the Blogosphere by storm, I do have some most excellent friends who happen to enjoy varying degrees of varying forms of the crazies.

And they are all exceptional, interesting people who are smart and funny ... and crackers.

It's gotta be kinda boring to be mentally and emotionally sound.


p.s. Here's...

"A Comprehensive List of My Sweet Mental Health Disorders"
by: squirrel_e_girl

• Dysthymic Disorder 
• Social Anxiety Disorder 

The Squirrel is Outta the Bag!!!

Ok...so my original plan for my first post of 2012 was to fling together some sort of listy thing (Quelle Surprise??) in order to regale you all with my goals/thoughts/plans/hopes for this shiny new year <--- how original and exciting would THAT be?

BUT....

The other day, I was rooting around in my Google Docs searching for a letter I had written 6 or so years ago. I haven't ventured into that folder in years (literally) because, as much as I love Gmail (....and I really REALLY love Gmail and am privately (very) strangely surprised/bewildered/disappointed that EVERYONE hasn't switched to Gmail...it's simply that great)... alas, I have to admit that Google Docs is kinda crap and pretty sluggish and just not terribly user-friendly...well, at least not squirrel_e_girl-friendly. For regular people it might be a piece of cake but for me not so much.

So, not only did I find the letter that I was looking for, I also stumbled upon my very FIRST (well, first since university) attempt at writing that I had forgotten all about. It was pretty neat to take a glimpse at the state of my head back then and it was interesting to see a few little idea-seeds I had inadvertently sown in that initial writing practice session.  It took a couple of years for them to germinate and pop up in my Musings but they finally made it.

I thought it'd be cool to share those original thoughts with those of you who would find that sort of thing cool. I'm going to leave the whole piece 'as is'.  I'm not going to change anything ....spelling, spacing, names ... It's super disjointed and rambly and kinda personal, so you may end up feeling slightly confused but that's just part of the Musings Experience ;)

By presenting it to you in this way, I'm kinda throwing my pretend anonymity to the wind which won't be much of a shocker to most since most already know who I am. Others who don't already know who I am should be prepared 'cause I'm about blow your minds.

~An Aside: You may be surprised to learn that I have a weirdly disproportionate number of 'page views' coming from Russia. I'm not exactly sure how I established an Eastern European following and if someone could explain it to me, I would be most appreciative ...I'm thinking it must be some sort of view-generating something or other...OR ... I am to Russia what The Hoff is to Germany. One or the other.~~



So here it is....A blast from the past, written on 11/12/09,



Writing....
So You Think You Can Write ...
Yep, I think I can ... I know I can. It's just I don't know how ... if that makes any sense. I think I have to let go of any sort of linear thinking and just go with it. When I was in the shower I was flooded with thoughts and ideas (and water :) ) and I felt like I was going to explode unless I got them all out ... and then proceeded to stand under the stream of water ... turning down the cold little bit by little bit because for whatever reason I was afraid to come down here and write ... BUT ... I DID turn off the water before the hot water ran out (which was sort of my undeclared original plan) and I DID come down here and I DID sit down and I DID start to write (after checking to see if I had any new emails or if any new Facebook statuses popped up ... nope on both counts) So here I am ...I also had a little visit with my new buddy Yosh ... he came out from behind the fake flora and I think I caught him in the act of taking a drink ... not sure ... he's pretty hard to read ... I'm glad he's not dead ... mostly ... Is it weird that I'm free associating and for whatever reasons my ambivalence towards this little reptile brought to mind my ambivalence towards Zippy ... our miscarriage  ... I certainly am a weirdie and this is going to be quite an exercise ... What other twisted thoughts are going to come pouring out ... I am also almost on the verge of tears as I'm writing all this ... I guess it's a pretty monumental moment... I am now a writer :D and I am really smiling in real life ... I think I need to write. I have a whole lotta stuff to say and if some of it is worthy of an audience then that's a bonus. I think I was afraid to write ... well a) because I'm afraid of most everything (Piglet) and b) because I don't think I'm smart enough?? and c) because I don't think I'll do it "right" but you know, even as I write all of this I know that it's all a bunch of horseshit because ... well because it just is. Horseshit. I can do this. I know I can... I could probably sit here all day and type until my fingers were raw ... I've got that much "stuff" floating around in my brain ... the squirrels can have a hey day ... actually maybe this is a way to give "Those Darn Squirrels" a voice so they can stop chattering and cluttering up my head. My plan is to ultimately write an essay titled "The Year I Lost My Husband and Found My Self/ Myself" ... I think that if I can get it out and onto this screen, it might be worthy of an audience ... I think ... but for now I'll just keep clicking away at this keyboard and see what happens. By the way, Thank you Mr. Maltby, you odd duck you. Grade 9 Typing Teacher ExtraOrdinaire. My time in your class has served me well. You seem like a very very nice man and I was shocked and impressed (shocked and awed) that you remembered me way back when in the HIllcrest school yard ... you were picking up a grandkid and i was picking up Kate. Anyhow, good on ya. A most excellent memory ... or maybe I am just that unforgettable ;)
hmmmmmmm .... now what... I have to also thank the very wonderful KG for sending me the writing books few years ago ... Thank you. You have always had a knack for making me feel really good about myself. I think you are such a cool person and I admire you LOTS. .. and lots. You Rock :D I think you have been and will continue to be very influential in my funny weird little world. Good Luck with that :D Your dog is an absolute maniac and I have wanted to strangle her on many many occasions but that would be bad ... You love her therefore I love her...sorta ... kinda...mostly.
I am looking at the wall in front of me for some inspiration ... Lamps=Shane, Bunny=Bumpa/Katy Waite ... too much ... too close ... I will seek inspiration elsewhere. I'm not on the verge of tears anymore so that is a good thing for now ... I just need to figure out way the fuck to write ...hmmm should I maybe not swear ... nah ... I like to swear so I am going to swear and if necessary, I will clean it up later. Interestingly enough spellcheck has decided to let the word fuck go by without that little red squiggly line ... Ironically, spellcheck does not recognize itself as a proper word ... hee hee  (nor does it recognize hee hee ... hee hee ... i get a kick outta things like that)

My Leopard Gecko -- Yoshi by Karen Waite
Yoshi ... what the hell was I thinking. I have been hoodwinked. I might have to leave your care in the wonderful most capable hands of Shane Steele ... it is because of his "Sure!" that you are here. I haven't really been hoodwinked. I was just a sucker and got caught in a moment of weakness ... a moment of of momentary insanity ... what the fuck was I thinking?? I think you are very cute and you have holes in your head that are your ears ... but they are actual holes into your head ... I know all ears are holes in heads but usually they have some sort of outer garb to decorate them up a bit ... It's a bit disconcerting to be able to look directly into your head ... cool ... but in a disconcerting kinda way. I want you to have a good life. I want to make things comfy for you here. We will go and get you some crickets when Jackie gets home from school. Your former owner was feeding you waxworms which apparently is the equivalent to feeding you McDonalds every day ... not cool. I am a firm believer in feeding my animals nutritious high quality food so you will be placed on a new diet regime  of stuff that is good for you... Ironically, Jack and I will be stopping off at McD's on the way home to grab something to eat HA!!!!  There is something twisted about the fact that my animals eat healthier than my children ... but I guess I have more control over the four legged creatures than I do over the 2 legged ... except that Spencer seems to be on a bit of a Food Strike ... I guess he doesn't like Chicken Soup For the Dog Lover's Soul anymore ... tough luck ... I've got a whole big bag that he needs to get through before we try anything else. I will also buy you some new planty things and a nice little background mural for you to look at ... I don't think the heating rock is a good idea ... I don't want you to get toasted ... we'll see how much this "free" gecko is going to cost us :D
Ok ... I am off to pick up my nephew dawg Max ... I will write more later :)
Just a little bit more before I head off to bed ... Our trip to Lizard Planet was a success ... We have "pimped" out Yoshi's tank ... with a tree and some more foliage and a new cave and a new worm dish and now I'm feeling better about this whole thing ... now the little guy just has to eat something. He seems to be holding out ... and again, being the sucker that I am I bought a bunch of the most expensive worms out there ... Of course we get a gecko who a) doesn't like to be handled and b) refuses to eat regular lizard fare ... crickets ... so I have to pay top dolla to feed the little bastard ... we'll try to re-introduce the chirpers into his menu and we'll try to learn him to "warm" up to us .... might be tough for the cold blooded creature ... ok my clever quick wit is fading quickly so I must go ... also, I'm a little bit bug-eyed from playing far too much Bejeweled Blitz ... maybe that'll be the topic of my next blurby ramble... stay tuned :)

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Yoshi - Sporting his Lizard Skin Hat

BTW- 

"A Comprehensive List of My Aspirations For This Shiny New Year"

by: squirrel_e_girl

• Drink more water.
• Eat less food.
• Walk more walks.
• Be more mindful

That is all.

HAPPY 2012!!!

This Post Promised to Be the Best Post Ever...

....please note the use of the past tense :(

So here's the story...

Picture this, if you will... 

Me... standing in a fabulously steamy hot shower becoming increasingly excited...breathless with anticipation...on the verge of exploding ....with all sorts of awesome ideas for an "End of Year Wrap-Up/Best-Of squirrel_e_girl" blog post.

 ~not exactly where you thought I was going with  this is it? heh heh heh ...I'm tricky that way~

Anyway, back to the matter at hand...

I had a TON of super excellent stuff to write about bouncing around in my little steamed-up brain (seasoned "Musings" readers may remember that I've made mention of the fact that I do my best work in the shower) and I was raring to go and more than ready to pull an all-nighter in order to get it all down on virtual paper when I was stopped dead in my little squirrelly tracks....

Oh yeah...I remember now...

I took a wee sleeping pill (and an Advil) before I hopped into the shower so I'd be all nicely ready to sleep by the time my head hit my pillow....Thinking ahead, you see. Time management like you've never experienced.

Damn. There goes my night of inspired blogging....right down the drain. 

I wish I had been candidly filmed just so I could see the expression of abject disappointment when that unhappy realization sunk in .... I woulda looked a little something like this :( ....but way sadder.

Actually, once I stop and think about what I just wrote, I believe I will rescind that particular wish...no one needs to see me being candidly filmed ...or uncandidly for that matter...whilst in the shower.

Ok... I gotta go...my eyes are getting heavy and if there's one thing I know it's that Blogging and Sleeping Pills don't mix.

Blog Respsonsibly, Kids.

N'night.

More tomorrow.