It Was the Best of Nights, It Was the Worst of Really Early in the Mornings.
Allow me to elaborate...
This past Saturday night, I, along with 349 other lucite boys and girls
~ I interrupt this sentence to bring to your attention, the strangest autocorrect EVER ... The all-knowing Autocorrect Gods, in their wisdom, just corrected my misspelled "lucky" to read "lucite" ....which isn't even a real word. It's the trademark name of a kind of plastic that is used in the manufacturing of hot tubs ...and trendy jewellery ???
Allow me to get back to my sentence...
This past Saturday night, I, along with 349 other lucky boys and girls, attended a kick ass fundraiser organised in spectacular fashion by a beloved "Musings" reader. (Killer job, Angie!! You should be monstrously proud of yourself!! Woot!!) This was a sold-out, eagerly anticipated event that showcased the talent of 4 awesome local bands.
A month or so ago, when I first found out that this evening was in the works, I thought to myself, "Self, would you look at that line-up!! That is going to be one epic shindig. I bet everyone is going to be there."
.... and then I experienced an odd, unfamiliar stirring. (not one of those stirrings. Mind out of the gutter, please)
I was bewildered and alarmed by a sudden foreign impulse and I immediately questioned myself, "Self!!! What the hell is happening?? There must be something wrong with me!! Could I possibly actually want to actually go out and actually do something fun??? In public?? With people and everything?? People that I actually know?? Some for more than half my life?? Quick!! Dial 911!!! Stat!!"
I gave my head a good shake and lay down to wait for this crazy notion to pass...or, failing that, the arrival of the other 3 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Bizarrely enough, neither of those things happened.
Later that day, my Sweetie came home from work and I filled him in on the freaky details of my afternoon and all he had to say was, "Sounds like fun. Sure we'll go."
Damn.
My fate was sealed.
The strangeness didn't end there.
Oh no.
Not by a long shot.
Not only did I NOT ONCE think of backing out and not going, but I also went into town and picked up the tickets MYSELF.
Oh, yes.
I did.
Myself.
...AND...
And... I invited some friends over to our place for some pre-show beverages.
BAM!!! Introverts of the World, please bask in the glow of my successful foray into Extreme Extraversion!!
Ok...enough basking.
So, after weeks of simmering excitement, the big day finally arrived. As far as I could tell, pretty much everyone and their brother was going to be at this thing (only in my case it was my sister). I was giddy with thoughts of how ridiculous it was going to be. You see, for those of you not from Orillia, a few hundred drunk Orillians is quite a sight to behold.
The evening held such promise!! I was super duper pumped.
A lovely visit with some lovely friends and 3 RockStars [+Vodka] later and I was on my way!!!
My initial disappointment after hearing that we missed my good friend's band's set was quickly buffered by the glorious spectacle that greeted us not 10 feet from the entrance....The lineup for the bar was at least 8 people across and a good 10-12 people long. I rubbed my hands together with glee. The potential for some good ol' Orillian shenanigans was HUGE!! I was even more gleeful when my Guy pointed out that my sister and bro-in-law just happened to be at the front of that mammoth line. "Hey Most Excellent Sister at the front of that mammoth line!! Can you grab us a couple of Smirnoff Ice??" Oh yeah.
And so, it began.
And so, this post devolves into a sophomoric recount of my drunk girl escapades. Please accept my apologies.
As a general rule, I don't drink to excess so this was a noteworthy event.
Since my memory is greatly blotted out by the consumption of alcohol (particularly Smirnoff Ice), the details are a bit sketchy so this is a perfect time for me to compile...
"A Not-so-Comprehensive List of Things I'm Pretty Sure I Probably Experienced This Past Saturday Night"
by: squirrel_e_girl
- Within the first 4.3 minutes, I was startled by both.... a) a slap on my ass dealt by a dude I dated relatively seriously about 22 years ago (22 f%*king years ago!!?? How is that even possible??) and... b) the sudden and unexpected appearance of my mortgage broker who just happened to be standing next to the aforementioned former boyfriend. Now, that may not seem weird to you, but it completely freaked me out... in a good "oh my god that's hilarious" kinda way
- I saw my hairdresser
- I declared my deep undying platonic fondness to 2 maybe 3 people (who just happen to be beloved readers, too. Hi guys!!!) ...and I must stress that the quantity of declarations, by no means, diminishes the quality or sincerity of my words. Although I do hope that the Caesar Salad I had for supper didn't make the experience less than enjoyable for the objects of my, no doubt, close-talking affections.
- I passionately apologised (several times) to the owners of the poor dog whose face I accidentally slammed in a door (drawing blood) a few months ago while she was in my care :(
- I peed with my sister in a very small washroom stall
- I totally managed to survive a rather awkward encounter where I went on and on to a woman about how cool her wedding invitation was (I happened upon it while sorting through paperwork and packing last week) only to find out that she and her husband had just recently broken up. Apparently, I am waaaaayyy outta the loop.
- I put all of our auction tickets towards a pet portrait thingy that we very well might've won except my Guy didn't have his glasses and therefore couldn't read the wee lil numbers and I was too busy off galavanting being all extroverted-like to realise that the winning tickets were being drawn
...which leads me to...
- I was an extremely inconsiderate date and left my poor non-native-Orillian Sweetie to fend for himself in a sea of drunk and disorderly Orillians for the bulk of the night. Tsk Tsk. Shame on me. I'm sorry.
- I relentlessly teased a guy who, years ago at a house party we had, thought that coming into my bathroom to talk to me...my ensuite, no less...while I was in the shower was a completely acceptable idea. (it was super late and I was hitting the hay). I don't think his wife had heard that particular story before ....oops.
- I sang "Ride, Sally. Ride" into the mic during Mustang Sally...at least I think I did. Although that may have been the last time I saw that band...5 years ago. Huh.... Leave that one with me.
- I had a very serious conversation with a friend about a very serious thing and I hope she knows that everything will all work out in the end and that she is an awesome Mom.
- I punched my Erstwhile Husband really really hard in the arm... just because :)
....and the Hands-Down-Without-a-Doubt Most Exciting Thing to Happen was...
- seeing my most favourite pen-pal EVER for the first time in almost forever. One of the best surprises I've ever had the joy of experiencing. WAHOOOOO!!!
And then we went home and, as every fun evening out should end, I found myself lying on my bathroom floor in my underwear, crying hysterically for no apparent reason. Ahhhh!!! Good Times.
My MOST AMAZING GUY took gentle and wonderful care of me all the rest of the night/really early morning and I applaud his craftiness in convincing me that while he didn't doubt that my head was far too heavy for me to lift up off the floor and that if he just brought me a pillow, I'd be fine, he was almost 100% positive that it would be a whole lot easier for me to lean out of bed to throw up into a bucket than it would be for me to have to sit up and climb into the toilet bowl each and every time I barfed. The man is a genius. Thank You <3
My darling Son kept me company for most of the next morning and hung out in bed with me while I moaned and groaned and advised him to steer clear of the booze. He thought showing me this "Point of View" video of the new rollercoaster at Wonderland was a great idea. I didn't. It was some prime Mother-Son bonding time....I'm pretty sure parenting experts far and wide would agree.
I managed to ingest an Advil and a chocolate-dipped donut for brunch and we went for a nice hike with the hounds so the day wasn't a complete write-off.
I went to bed at 8:10 ....which is unheard of in squirrel_e_girl world...and I woke up this morning happy as a clam and fit as a fiddle.
The Day After the Day After is a beautiful thing.
The End.
