Monday, May 6, 2013

Please BOUNCE with me, Adam Levine.

This morning,  as we do every school day morning, The Boy and I walked together from the house to the car, where The Girl was waiting impatiently for us to finally get our act together and join her so we can get to school on time, as she does every school day morning.

The car was shuddering along with the bass line of a song that has monopolized our listening "pleasure" for the past week or so.

...first to the car gets shotgun AND gets to man the stereo.

So the car and its rattly speakers are vibrating at a very high volume and The Boy asks,

The Boy - What is a menage a trois anyway?

Me - ummmmmmm

Me - ummmmmmm

Me- ummmmmm .... well ahhhh... ummmmm

Me - Christ

Me - ummmm ... it's when you have sex with three shouldn't have sex with three people. I mean it's when three people have sex.... with each other... at the same time.

The Boy - Oh.

The Boy -  *chuckle*

Me - *deep sigh* 

Me - *chuckle*

We climb into the car, still chuckling at the awkwardness of that very brief but very loaded exchange and, curious about the cause of the chuckles, The Girl asks,

The Girl - What?

Me- Jack just asked me what a menage a trois was.


Me - You're an asshole.


~The Back Story:
Years ago, the ol Ertswhile Husband/Baby Daddy, for some peculiar reason bought a CD by Timbaland called Shock Value. He and I only listened to it a couple of times and decided that it would be taken out of Family Rotation because "some" of the lyrics were a little too hard-core for our then-young children.

Fast forward to a week or so ago, when The Girl happens upon that very same CD in the middle armrest of my car.

I am deeply DEEPLY mystified as to how this CD managed to end up in my car 6 years after

.... being relegated to a high shelf where small kids can't reach.

... a dissolution of a marriage and the inevitable "divide by 2" that goes along with marriage dissolutions.

... the acquisition of my "parting gift"/"thanks for coming out" ...a new-to-me 2001 Volvo XC70

... 2 subsequent house moves

End of Back Story~

Anyhow, The Girl listened to some of the songs and decided she LOVES a couple  and we've been listening to them ...on repeat....ever since.


*deep sigh*

In case you're wondering, the lyrics haven't gotten any less inappropriate over the past 6 years, but the young children have turned into young adults and I have resolved to grit my teeth and shake my head at just how bad they are.

I do, however, reserve the right to complain about how terrible the lyrics are and how totally inappropriate they are.

The Girl reserves the right to laugh at me and to turn the volume up so she can't hear me complain over the thump of the bass.

We've had several conversations about it and they all go a little something like this:

The Girl - Just listen to the music and ignore the lyrics!!

Me- I CAN'T!! I spent 4 years at university being trained to pay attention to words and all the things they convey to the reader/listener. It's the only "skill" that came out of my English degree. I am cursed with actually listening and paying attention to the lyrics of every song I hear. THAT'S what Gramma and Grampa's $40 000 got me. I cannot ignore it when someone sings " yo ass has the hiccups. we was ridin in my pickup" ....I just can't!!

The Girl - Oh Mum.

Me - I can't.

The Girl - ....

Me - I can't.

The Girl - ....

Me - They are HORRIBLE!!

The Girl - Oh Mummy. You are too funny.

And they ARE horrible.

Have a little listen:


I have to admit that the music IS kinda catchy...but as mentioned several times previously...

I can't.

And I hate that music is turning me into an old prude.

My transformation into an old lady prude started about  3-4 years ago when The Girl started watching MuchMusic (Canada's MTV) and I was actually mortified by what I saw.


In most of the videos, everything was so EXCESSIVE!!

Sex, money, booze...the works.

This is the one that I remember seeing first:

Yikes...actually, that one's a little tame compared to some but that's just the first one that stuck in my mind.

I had to decide to either roll with it OR forbid her to watch music videos...and I am not the "forbidding" I decided to roll with it.

I turned and walked away...voicing my displeasure as I did so.

I couldn't tell my 13 year old that she couldn't watch videos.

Music and music videos are a HUGE part of teenage life. teenage life and my kids' teenage life.

 When I was a kid, I loved them.

Every day, I'd get home from school, grab a snack and plop down in front of the tv and watch "Toronto Rocks" and on the weekend, I'd stay up late and watch "Good Rockin' Tonight".

For my 13th birthday sleep-over party, my mom rented the video disc of the uncensored version of Duran Duran's "Girls on Film".

It was wholesome and tame and totally suitable for a bunch of 13 year old girls to watch...


No it wasn't.

It was soft-core porn and we ate it up.


Maybe times haven't changed THAT much.

Maybe I should ease up on my old lady prude schtick.

Mind you, that video was virtually contraband and you had to go to a video store (that was in the back of a electronics/car stereo installation store) in order to get it .... you couldn't just sit on your couch, turn the tv on and have at it.

Us teens of the 80's had to WORK to get access to our smut.


And walk 10 miles to school.



Both ways.

Kids these days don't know just how easy they've got it and us poor parents these days have to "ummmm and well...ahhhh" our way through definitions of various sexual acts described in rap songs.



p.s. Along the same "I am old now" line... I was laughing at myself a while ago because I realized I was trying to prove to The Girl that I'm as cool (or cooler) than the average bear by bragging to her that I thought Adam Levine was hot even BEFORE he had tattoos.

I am soooo ahead of the game.

I think I am what they call a hipster.


I am ridiculous.

And kinda old.


Adam Levine was hot before he had tattoos.

p.p.s. Now that I've given it a little bit of really doesn't matter if I try to shield my kids from the "evils" of today's music and all that goes along with it, because their dad.. who is notoriously lacking in any sort of judgement regarding sharing age-appropriate/inappropriate music, movies, comedy etc etc with the children...and when I say "notoriously lacking in any sort of judgement regarding sharing age-appropriate/inappropriate music, movies, comedy etc etc with the children",  I mean "NOTORIOUSLY LACKING IN ANY SORT OF JUDGEMENT REGARDING SHARING AGE-APPROPRIATE/INAPPROPRIATE MUSIC, MOVIES, COMEDY ETC. ETC WITH THE CHILDREN!!!!!" I have accepted this. It's part of his charm... gleefully listens to all the worst stuff with them...and even took them to a Tyler the Creator concert....

But that's another story.