Thursday, February 28, 2013

It's a goddamn epidemic...

Man oh man...

I made another disturbing discovery today.

Look at this:

Search Keywords

cry me river moulin rouge

scaredy squirrel porn comics

scaredy squirrel sex pics

squirrel cage blog

Now there are at least THREE people out there looking for unsavoury photos of a sweet little cartoon squirrel.



Sunday, February 17, 2013

Is NOTHING sacred???

This isn't a real post's just me wanting to share with you a little something that made me go "What the???""

~A Historical Aside: When The Girl was really wee, under two probably, she used to say "WHAT the??" all the time, with the most hilarious intonation. Then along came The Boy and he started to say "WHAT the??" too. It always cracked me up and I was never sure where they got it from because, hard as it might be to believe, I actually took great pains to keep my potty mouth in check in front of the children.~ back to the sharing of a little something... I just took a peek at my blog's stats and this is what I saw:

Search Keywords

scaredy squirrel naked sex pics

"WHAT the??"

My beloved Scaredy Squirrel has naked sex pics??

Say it ain't so!!!


...even if he DOES have naked sex pics, what kind of sick bastard would Googling them?? <---- no need to answer that. I think I probably have an idea. Hopefully, it's not some potential employer doing a background check on young Scaredy.


...HOW the hell did the search words "scaredy squirrel naked sex pics" lead someone to my blog?? And do I really want that member of society's underbelly hanging around??

No way, Jose!!

Except now I've kinda paved a direct route from Google to my blog for anyone searching the words "scaredy squirrel naked sex pics"....

....kinda shot myself in the foot with this one.


Anyhow, this is the way Scaredy will always ALWAYS look to me:

I heart Scaredy Squirrel...a lot.

p.s. For anyone who might be interested, here is a link to a post that explains my relationship with Scaredy and where it all began.... Reader Beware!!.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Thanks For Nothin', Kanye West.

As I'm sure a few of you may have noticed, this past Thursday was Valentine's Day.

I was lucky enough to receive a beautiful bunch of baby pink Gerber Daisies...YAY!! Thanks Sweetie!!

The Girl was lucky enough to receive a beautiful arrangement of pink Lilies from her Daddy...her first actual flower delivery which was very exciting for her (also a bit relief that they were from her Dad... she was really hoping that they were NOT from the Dude she's kinda sorta been almost but not really dating...because she's not sure if she likes him like that and flowers on Valentine's Day would just make it awkward...ahhhhhh to be 16 again....BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA)

The Boy got some yummy cinnamon hearts (that he can't eat yet because his teeth hurt because he got his braces adjusted on Wednesday...oops... Cupid/Me wasn't really thinking) and some yummy sugar coated jelly hearts...most of which were eaten by the dog.

Jack kinda got the short end of the Valentine stick...poor guy.

Although, as a treat for everyone, I did buy 4 fancy Valentine's Day chocolate-dipped donuts from Mariposa Market and I left them out ...way far back... on the counter, so when the kids got home from school, they would be greeted by the sight of a beautifully arranged Valentine donut/greeting card display, and think to themselves:

"Selves...Would you look at the thoughtful and beautifully arranged Valentine donut/greeting card display!! We have the greatest Mum EVER!!!"

Instead, this is the phone call I received at work:

quackquack quackquack

Me - "Hey Kate!!"

The Girl - " if there were cupcakes or anything on the counter, Spencer got them."


The Girl - "All that's left is some chocolate and red icing stains on the carpet."

Me - "BASTARD!!"

The Girl - "Yep."

Me - "Did he eat the cards, too?"

The Girl - "Don't think so."

Me - "Bastard."

The Girl - "Yep."

And so, not wanting to fall victim to the Grinch Who Ate Valentine's Day, I drove back into town and went back into Mariposa Market and, once again, braved the Mariposa Market line-ups to buy 4 more pretty Valentine's donuts...but they were out of the normal size donuts so we had to make do with Texas size donuts <------See THAT!! That's a silver lining if ever there was one.

AND...I got to play The Hero Who Saved Valentine's Day when I showed up with the replacement donuts.


F#@k you, Spencer!!

Then we had a Lady and the Tramp-themed Spaghetti and Meatball Valentine's Day dinner and then watched Glee ...well, The Boy didn't...he just went back to killing stuff on COD.


All of that lovely story has not a whole lot to do with my main point for this post, so here I go:

Since, as previously noted, this past Thursday was Valentine's Day, a friend of mine posted a link to "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge .... one of my absolute favourite spite of the fact that Nicole Kidman is one of the leads and, in part, due to the fact that Ewan McGregor is one of the leads....yum yum.

 I adore the movie's soundtrack and 'back in the day', I listened to it over and over and over and over again in my van and watching that video reminded me just how much I adored the music AND just how long it had been since I listened to it, so I pulled the CD off the shelf and it has been in my car ever since.

This is my favourite song "Come What May" quite often makes me cry:

Now, this particular soundtrack is best listened to at a very high volume, so I've been listening it to it at a very high volume...or at least as high a volume as I can before the speakers start rattling.



Rattling speakers suck.

...that annoying little rattle totally throws me off my groove and it drives me absolutely bonkers.

Rattle-y speakers make me say lots of bad words...most of them aimed at f%$king Kanye West.

You see, Kanye West is responsible for my car's broken speakers.

Where does he get off writing a kick-ass song with killer bass that DEMANDS to be played really really REALLY LOUD??

... especially when you're being driven home from a New Years Eve party a couple of years ago.

... especially when you're being driven home from a New Years Eve party a couple of years ago where you just happened to enjoy several RockStar [+ Vodka]s.

My speakers paid the price.

I cannot be held accountable for my actions.

F%$k you, Kanye West.

I DEFY you, my Beloved Readers, to listen to this song with the volume down low.

It can't be done.

And if you were able to listen to it with the volume down low... I feel sorry for you.

There is obviously something very very wrong with you.



Kanye West, you owe me new speakers for my car.

I drive a 2001 Volvo XC70.

I'll be waiting.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Cujo. Coju. Tomato. Tomato.

This past weekend, we looked after an adorable sweet Miniature Schnauzer. 

He is as gentle as a baby bunny (and I don't mean a baby Monty Python bunny ...just a regular old run of the mill baby bunny rabbit).

We love him.

This isn't actually him, but this guy kinda looks like him:

His name is...


Of course it is.

After he had been with us for an hour or so, The Girl said, "Cujo is a pretty weird name. It doesn't really suit him."

To which I replied, "Well, I think that's kinda the point."

The Girl- "Huh?"

Me - "They were probably going for some ironic humour when they named him."

The Girl - "Huh?"

Me - "You know..."Cujo" is huge and horrifying and this one is the opposite."

The Girl - "Huh?"

Me- "You know..."Cujo" in the movie."

The Girl - "Huh?"

Me - "The Stephen King book??"

The Girl -"Never heard of it."

Me- "Really??"

The Girl - "Nope."

Me - "Really??"

The Girl - "Really."

Me - "The horror movie with the crazy nasty rabid St. Bernard that slaughters a whole bunch of people??"

The Girl -"Nope."

And, with that, she walks away... then calls from the other room, 

"Still a weird name."

Fast forward 38 minutes:

The Boy - "What kinda name is Coju for a dog? It's weird. What does it even mean?"

Me - "It's Cujo and it's after the dog in the Stephen King movie."

The Boy - "There wasn't a dog in 'The Shining'."

Me - "No...not 'The Shining' ...It's 'Cujo'."

The Boy - "Huh? What's a Coju?"

Me - "Cujo."

The Boy - "...."

Me -"You know, the horror movie with the crazy nasty rabid St. Bernard that slaughters a whole bunch of people."

The Boy - "Never heard of it."

Me - "'s like I'm in some sort time warp!!"

The Boy - "..."

Me - "I can't believe neither your or your sister have heard of 'Cujo'. It's kinda freakin' me out."

The Boy - "Yeah....well....Coju is still a weird name."

Me - "Cujo"

The Boy - "...."

Me - "Cujo"

The Boy - "Like 'Koodo'??"

Me - *sigh* " 'Koodo'."

...which was kinda fun because for the rest of his time with us, I called him "Koojo" like in the commercial and I have to admit, it suited him better.

So, I just could not wrap my head around the fact that the craziness that was 'Cujo' - the dog name that people use to describe any nasty angry dog, kinda like the way people use "Bandaid" or "Kleenex" or "SkiDoo" ...had actually left society's collective consciousness in one short generation. 

I could NOT believe it. 

I just couldn't.

So, when My Guy's youngest, who is 16,  arrived for his bi-weekendly visit, I pounced...

Me- "MAX!!!! You've heard of  'Cujo', right??"

Max- "Huh?"

Me - "The DOG!!! The KILLER DOG!!! From the Stephen King movie!!!"

Max - ""


I still can't believe it.

Am I the only one who thinks that's strange??? 

And I'm not even a Stephen King fan...I've only read two of his books: "The Stand" and "Carrie" and have only seen two of his movies: "Misery"  and 1/4 of "Pet Semetary" (I had to leave the theatre when he dug up the little boy...totally creeped me out...still stands as the only movie I've ever left before it ended). I haven't even seen "The Shining".... and even I know who Cujo is goddamit!!!

Anyway, wee Cujo has gone home and we are all a little sad that he's not here tonight.

But, earlier today, when I brought him to work with me, I realized that we actually have a f@$king ST. BERNARD staying in the kennel ....How awesome is THAT???!!! YIKES!!! 

....and just for kicks, I had lil' Cujo out in the play-yard with the HUGE St. Bernard (whose name, by the by, is Jacob...not a particularly menacing handle...heehee...I think it's kinda funny). 

I'm mad at myself for not taking a picture of Cujo, the Mini Schnauzer and Jacob, the St. Bernard  hanging out together.


 It would've been fabulous.

Yes...the strangest things amuse the hell outta me.

It's part of my charm.

So, tonight, unwilling to let this whole "What's a Coju?" thing rest, ... How utterly out of character for me ;)... I called The Boy over to sit with me and watch the trailer for 'Cujo'....

....and he couldn't stop laughing. 

The little jerk.

It's horrifying....See!!!

So then, I showed him the trailer for "Pet Semetary "

...and he laughed a bunch more.

The Boy - "How is a zombie cat going 'mraaaaahhhgrahhh" even a little bit scary?"

Me - "It WAS!!! O.k. Tough Guy!! a zombie baby coming at you wouldn't be scary????"

The Boy - "Not if there was just one of them."

Me - "BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA" ...That struck me as pretty hilarious.

Then, I showed him the trailers for:

"Children of the Corn"

....which he agreed was a little creepy

And ... 


....which, while he didn't admit that he thought it was scary, he also didn't make fun of it.

And, finally...


...and we both had a pretty good laugh. Even back when it first came out, I couldn't get too worked up over a dumb ol' killer car.


Then, he wanted me to watch the trailer for "Mama" and I flat out refused because I saw the trailer in the theatre a while ago and once was more than enough to give me the heebie jeebies.

Take a peek....but, only if you want to, I'm sure as hell not going to... *shudder*

To end on a sweet adorable is a sweet adorable picture of Cujo and Willow crashed on the couch watching the Grammys.

hee hee

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Little Ms. Fancy Pants

This may come as a bit of a shock to some of you, but, strictly speaking, I am not the most sophisticated kid around town and, on some occasions, this lack of sophistication/class shines through a little louder and a little clearer than usual.

Last night was one of those “special“ occasions...

So, the four of us were just finishing up supper, which, in and of itself, was a rather stately celebration of fanciness. We are kinda “in between grocery shopping trips‘ and Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard is pretty bare bones so we were forced to scrounge a bit...My Guy had leftover Chinese take-out, The Kiddos had KD and left-over Chinese take-out and I, having nibbled away on leftover Chinese take-out all afternoon as I sat curled up in my chair reading my free ebooks ....time that could've/should've been spent grocery shopping ...(alas, grocery shopping is extremely high on my S.A.D.H.L (SocialAnxietyDisorderHitList) and consequently, I can only occasionally muster up enough sanity to hit Zehrs all on my alonesome)... I was sorta left-over Chinese take-out-ed out so I chef’d up a couple of pieces of delicious PBn’PCBCRJ (President’s Choice British Columbia Raspberry Jam) toast. Yum Yum!!



The four of us were just finishing up our Fancy Feast (no cat food was involved....the cupboard wasn't THAT bare), and, after brushing the toast crumbs off my lap, I declared,

“Alright...I've just gotta put my pants on and we can head over to tuck the dogs in.”**

I paused for a second or two as the realisation hit .... and then sunk in ... that, for the past few months, pretty much anytime I declare my intended actions, those intended actions are invariably preceded by....

“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then we'll/I'll _________”


“Ok. As soon as I've got pants on, we'll/I’ll _________”

 Par example (s):

“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then I'll come and pick you up at Becca’s.”

“ Ok. As soon as I've got pants on, we'll head into town and grab some McDonalds.”

“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then we’ll walk the dogs.”

“Ok. As soon as I've got pants on, we’ll go visit Gramma and Grampa.”

“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then I’ll go for a snowmobile ride with you.”

“Ok. As soon as I've got pants on, I'll come pick you guys up from snowboarding.”

“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then I'll answer the door.” just jokes...I don't answer the door .... even if I happen to actually have my pants on.

Now, after reading the above examples, one might assume that I spend my time wandering around half-nude. However,  if one did assume that would make an ‘ass’ of ‘u’ and ‘me’ (another grade 4 spelling trick that has stuck with me) because I am, as a general rule, always fully clothed....

So, why?? Why would I always need to put my pants on if I'm always already fully clothed?? 

Also....what have I got in my pocket? hee hee

Why, you ask??

Well, lemme tell you...

Because it’s winter and it's f#%king cold outside and I spend a whole lot of time outside at work and I'm turning into a sissy in my old age and I HATE ... H.A.T.E. ... being cold and long underwear has become a daily fixture in my wardrobe but when I'm inside hanging out at home, I find pants on top of long underwear too hot and confining so as soon as I walk in from outside, I take my coat off and I then shed my jeans and wander around in my long johns all classy-like.

So anyway, there is no point to this post other than to pass on the fact that I cracked myself up when I realized that my kids are now quite used to hearing their Mum begin many many sentences with phrases describing her plans to get her pants on.

Trick is finding them first.

**A couple of nights a week, I'm responsible for letting all the dogs at the kennel out for their bedtime pee.