Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Well...At Least I Can Read and Write Good.

Look Ma!!!

I made the Top 10!!

#5 even!!

Check this out:


I'm gonna print this article, frame it and then lean it up against the wall on the floor in the basement right beside my Honours English Degree.

I'm #5!!

I'm #5!!

I'm #5!!


A Little Anecdote:

Over the past few years, I've occasionally helped out at a super neat little independent bookstore in the town where I live. Historically, they've called me in during high customer volume times ...back to school, Christmas... that sort of thing. I say "Historically" because it's been a loooooooooonnngggg time since I've been summoned and I'm trying not to let it hurt my feelings. (I'm mostly joking about the hurt feelings. They have called but, much to my chagrin, I've always been pre-committed to do some dog stuff and have not been able to go in. My lack of last minute availability has most probably bumped me down on the "Who Should We Call to Come in and Help Out" list. Maybe I'm #5 on that list, too. Who knows?

Anyhoo, this particular bookstore is/was serving as the interim bookstore for a university that opened a campus in our wee city. The school was initially dealing with limited space so "my" little independent bookstore was called on to be Lakehead's official bookstore. (I believe the university has since opened  its own on-campus bookstore...I'm a bit out of the loop).

One afternoon during the first week of last September, I was in the store helping them deal with the rather large influx of students. On this particular afternoon, I was sweeping the floor at the front of the store when a herd of fresh faced, eager university kids came barrelling through the door and made their merry way to the back to grab their copies of Moby Dick and The Glossary of Literary Terms.

Resting my chin on my hands on the top of the broom handle, I stood back to admire their enthusiasm and indulge in a bit of nostalgia...

"Ahhh, Self, remember when we were a fresh faced eager university kid. Boy oh boy, we had some fun."

And then I chuckled to my Self, standing there taking a break from my job sweeping the floor of a bookstore and wished at that very instant I was wearing a t-shirt/sandwich board/visible thought-bubble that read:

Here, Hold My Broom While I Dust Off My English Degree.

God's speed, young English majors.

God's speed.

Well, at least they'll be able to read and write...and sweep good, too.


Saturday, August 25, 2012

Bob and The Boss .... Throwin' it Down.

So, once more we are mixing things up a bit with “squirrel_e_girl & The Girl’s Country Tune of the Week”. 

We are crazy like that.

This week, we have TWO count’em TWO picks...

So, here are..

“squirrel_e_girl & The Girl’s Country TuneS of the Week”

Before I begin, I have to explain why I might seem a little distracted tonight. The Girl is, once again, diverting my attention from my blogging with her YouTube viewing. 

Remember THIS??? Blech

This time I’m very much enjoying what she's playing ... but all my laughing and giggling and snorting is throwing me off my stroke. 

You see, she is going through the entire collection of “Lonely Island” videos. Her playlist includes masterpieces like “Dick in a Box” and its sequel, “Mother Lover”, and its sequel, "3 Way (The Golden Rule)". Also, “I'm On a Boat”“Jack Sparrow”“I Just Had Sex”,  and “The Creep”. All of the above songs...graciously hyper-linked for you viewing pleasure... are really REALLY funny. They are also really REALLY inappropriate. These are songs that any responsible and morally sound parent would never let their children watch, let alone giggle and snort whilst watching them WITH their children ...so Mom & Dad, please feel free to NOT click on those blue words. Consider yourself warned...I may be a morally corrupt parent but I am a wholesome angel of a child...right, Mommy & Daddy???

DIsclaimer: Their Dad let them watch them first AND actually burned them some CDs and then they made me sit and watch some of the videos ....which wasTOTALLY uncomfortable ...but TOTALLY hilarious ...and really really TOTALLY inappropriate ... but ... He let them watch them first. BAM!! Blame and parenting shame deflected!! Oh yeah. Score one for the good guys!

Ok...she's moved onto snowboarding videos so it’s all clear and I’m good to go.

Back to:

“squirrel_e_girl & The Girl’s Country TuneS of the Week”

We had a tough time narrowing down our choices because there are a whole bunch of kickass country tunes floating around these days. So we settled on a sort of theme...

Country Tunes With Titles That Would Lead One To Believe That They Are Not Country Tunes. 

OR ....more specifically,

Country Tunes With Titles Featuring The Names of Other Singers Who Are Definitely Not Singers of Country Tunes.

My choice is a song that I absolutely adore. It is so sweet and gentle and makes me want to close my eyes and sway with the music. 

It also has a super catchy chorus...which is super fun to sing...and probably not super fun for those forced to listen to me sing “WooOooHoo" over and over again...

You'll understand better once you listen to it.

My choice is “Bob Marley” by: the very adorable and very Canadian, Dean Brody

Have a little listen...

The Girl’s choice is "Springsteen" by: Eric Church. 

She likes this one because “It's a really nice song and I like listening to it”.

Fair enough....I like listening to it, too...


It is key in tying our whole “theme” idea together.


It, TOO, has a super catchy chorus "WhoaOhOhOhOh".

Here it is:

Bob vs Bruce.... You be the Judge.

Friday, August 24, 2012

I Got a FEVER!!

I just  heard a particular song on the radio on my way home and, as usual, it made me yearn for more cowbell.

Thought I'd share.


Never enough cowbell  <-----you gotta click on that link in order to receive your daily recommended dose of cowbell ...

And Will Ferrell...

And Christopher Walken...

And gold-plated diapers, Babies...


Sunday, August 19, 2012

"I'm a Lumberjack, and I'm O.K."


I'm gonna cut right to the Country Music chase.

Sorry, folks, no casual witty preamble this time round.

We're clearing out a bunch of cedars that are growing like weeds back in our forest, and I've got to go play lumberjack.

Well, really, I'm not a full-fledged lumberjack. I don't wield any tree cutting implements... I am responsible for picking stuff up and dragging it to the "to-be-burned" pile....and fetching snacks.

I guess that makes me a Lumberjack Assistant.

A Sous Lumberjack, so to speak.

Although, now that I actually think about it, I am really a key player in this operation...my main job is pointing at the specific trees that I want My Guy to cut down and to also explain why other trees and branches should remain.

I guess that kinda makes me Head Lumberjack.

If I wore a hard hat, it would be white.

I'm Upper Management.

Upper Forestry Management.

CFO...Chief Forestry Officer.

Damn....so much for cutting to the Country Music Chase. I can't help but write casual witty preambles....it's in my blood.


So, without further ado....or casual witty preambles...here's:

"squirrel_e_girl & The Girl's Country Tune of the Week"

Last year, I wrote a post about how I fell back in love with country music. In that post, I referenced 3 songs that were guaranteed to make me cry.

One of those songs has a much stronger effect on me than the other two. I can come into the song late and only catch the last verse and it wrecks me. I can challenge myself to NOT cry and attempt to freeze my heart and I still end up all teary-eyed and verklempt.

The song is one of the best examples of cheesily blatant emotional manipulation I've ever encountered.

Last week, we were driving home from my super yummy birthday dinner and the song in question came on the radio.

Me- “Uh oh”

My Guy - “‘Uh oh’ what??"

Me - "......"

My Guy- "Oooooh...right. Uh oh.”

The Girl and The Boy (in unison)- “What?”

Me- “Wait for it.”

And The Boy went back to ignoring any and all things country and The Girl settled in for a good listen.

First verse finished...

The Girl- “Oh...dumb boy. They should just take the girl. If it was me, I'd say ‘No way! I'm going too’.”

Me - “Wait for it.”

Second verse ended...

The Girl - “Awwwwww...that's so sweet.”

Me - “Wait for it.”

Third and final verse finished...I turned around to look at The Girl through my tear-filled eyes...

Me - “hmmm?”

The Girl - sniffle sniffle sniffle “THAT'S SO SAD!!!” sniffle sniffle sniffle

In the meantime, we’d pulled into the driveway and had been waiting in the car for the "Big Finish".

The song ended and My Guy, The Girl and I dragged ourselves, sad and near-sobbing, out of the car and into the house.

The Boy followed us in, shaking his head.

The Boy - “You guys are weird.”

And if by “weird”, he meant “Super Sensitive but Super Awesome!!!” ....

He’s totally right.

Thanks, Dude!!


Here is our this week’s pick:

“Don't Take The Squirrel” by Tim McGraw

p.s. I didn't even end up going out to play CFO...I am actually writing this sitting on a bench in a horse paddock.

To Explain:
The Girl asked me to take her to the barn for a last minute riding lesson with “her” new horse. She and her Nana are part-boarding a horse while his owner heads out to the East Coast to university.

Lucky Girl.

Beyond Generous Nana.

And I get to live out my childhood “I would kill for a horse” fantasies vicariously through her...without her having to kill anyone.

His name is Lincoln.

He is beautiful.

We are in love.

He is my new boyfriend.

Oh yeah.



As an added bonus:

And, here is a (very poor quality...or is it artsy and ethereal?) picture of The Girl and My New Boyfriend, Lincoln:

Saturday, August 18, 2012

My Girl Cat is an Asshole Now, Too.

So, one of the most heartbreaking things ever just happened... my bottom lip is still pushed out in total heartbreak position...

I cleaned out my fridge in preparation for my partay and I was bringing all the compostable mouldy green stuff that had been living in there out to the compost bin when I heard the sound that some of you may know...


That is the sound a cat makes when its mouth is full of some poor little about-to-be-murdered creature...

That sound was being made by my sweet little girl cat who casually came wandering around the corner ... with a little chippy dangling from her face.

I, of course, sprung into action and grabbed the cat by the scruff of her neck and she dropped the little chippy...who was still curled up in a fetal position...

And then he slowly uncurled himself...and I could tell something was pretty wrong.

His back end wasn't moving.

His poor little chippy spine was probably broken...

Using his front legs, he dragged his poor little chippy self towards me.

He dragged himself up onto my foot and he actually tried to climb up my leg... with a desperate look on his desperate little chippy face and his poor paralyzed little chippy hind end...

"Please, Lady. Please save me."

He. Tried. To. Climb. Up. My. Leg.


There was no way I was going to be able to help the poor little chippy so I let go of my little girl cat so she could hurry up and finish what she started and turned and walked into my house.

I am very sad.

Here are pictures of the poor little chippy claw marks on my ankle...you can barely see them...but they're there.

And my heart is broken.


I Feel Your Pain, Jenna Marbles. I Feel Your Pain.

Today, The Girl posted a most excellent link on my Facebook wall, with the caption saying "Mom? Is that you?"  hardy har har<--- she's super funny ...just like her old lady.

It is excellent because:

A) It is a Jenna Marbles video blog thingy... and Jenna Marbles is excellent... and super funny. <----- just like The Girl's old lady.
2) It is almost pretty much exactly how I feel about my iPad and all its Apps ... that have conspired to ruin my life.

Here is that link:
(Warning: Jenna uses the odd swear ... one of the many many reasons I love her so)

The part that resonated with me the most is when she apologizes to people who are actually addicted to seriously bad things for referring to her plight as an addiction. I've actually thought of asking my good friend (who is just wrapping up her "Addictions Counselling" certification) for her opinion/advice but didn't want to seem like I was making light of addictions so I haven't.

Perhaps I should.


Last thing I do before heading to bed and first thing I do in the morning is check to see if it's my move in my Words With Friends or Scrabble games ... I've laid off on some of the other "less cerebral" games so that I pretend that I am doing this to expand my mind.



Oy yoy yoy.

Ok...I'm outta here.

I may or may not get around to posting "squirrel_e_girl & The Girl's Country Tune of the Week" tonight...we're having my 40th(+2) Birthday Bonfire and I'm kinda busy getting things organized.

Please don't be alarmed.

Or sad.

If I don't post anything tonight, I will for sure post something tomorrow.

Wouldn't want to leave my Beloved Readers hangin' and yearnin' for their Country Music fix.


Friday, August 17, 2012

"I Stiiiill Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"

So, I might've mentioned a couple of times that I spend the vast majority of my time surrounded by dogs.

Which is awesome in so very many ways...


Something happened today that made me think that I should probably start making a point of seeking out more human contact.



Let me tell you what made me realize that I am perhaps in need of fewer canine companions...

Ok...so, years ago I saw a super funny picture that made me snort with mirth. In my personal repertoire of laughs, "the snort" is reserved strictly for things that catch me totally off-guard with their inappropriate hilariousness.


The other day, I was perusing Pinterest and one of the "Pinners" I follow just happened to pin that very same picture.

Once again, its sudden appearance in my life elicited a mirthful snort.

This is the picture:


You may ...or may not... see where I'm going with this.

I spend a lot of time with dogs.

Logically, I see a lot of dog bums.

Up until today, I've never invested any real time and/or thought into actually "looking" at dog bums.


Actually looking...no.




I have been an avowed non-Christian since I hit double-digits, but now I find myself searching for Jesus.

In dog bums.

Good Christ.

p.s. I offer up my sincerest apologies to Bono and The Boys for sullying their song...

p.p.s. Is it just me, or do Bono and Bobcat Goldtwait have similar vocalization patterns??

Saturday, August 11, 2012

ABBA Goes Country!! ...not really, but...


So a super fast offering tonight...we just got back from a most excellent beach camping trip (which I will tell you all about later...lucky you) and I am sandy and soggy and pooped and very very ready to sleep in my own comfy bed.

In honour of hot and steamy summer vacations on the water....

Here is:

“squirrel_e_girl & The Girl’s Country Tune of the Week”

During our summer vacation this past week, The Girl and I got to spend a whole bunch of time together, driving in “The Super Cool Girls’ Car” (as opposed to “The Dumb Ol’ Boys’ Car”) and I think we hit a pretty solid happy medium when it came to what songs we listened to on the radio.... and what songs we didn't. 

Now that she is a bonafide country music lover, there are far fewer Mother-Daughter Punching Matches over what songs get played in the car.

We can also agree on some of the current half-decent pop songs and I can sometimes barely stomach some of the current crappy pop songs that she likes (jesus...there are some shitty SHITTY songs out there) and she tolerates some of the songs from my youth (I'm pretty sure she's a wee bit tired of hearing “OH MY GOD!!! I LOVED THIS SONG!!!” or “I was younger than you are now when this song first came out” or “HOLY SHITBALLS!!! This song has gotta be 25 years old ...at least.” or “Man...I don't think I've heard that one in 20 years” and then I'd silently weep for 10 minutes each time I inwardly acknowledged the fact that I can actually use 20 or 25 years as cultural reference points in my past). 

And, probably best of all, were the songs from my youth that she knows and loves. YAY!!! Par example...We had a huge crazy blast singing our hearts out to “It’s My Life!!” by Bon Jovi...she actually knows all the words!!?? Not sure how or why... but she does and it's kickass that she does :)

 And ... goddamn but I do heart Jon Bon Jovi...RARRR

But, now to our this week’s pick...

We've chosen “Pontoon” by Little Big Town ...not to be confused with my video game nemesis Little Big Planet 2...Damn You, Little Big Planet!!! Damn you to Little Big Hell!!!!!

This song is groovy and fun and really really summery.

...and groovy

...and fun.


These guys are kinda like a country version of ABBA, dontcha think?? ... Well, I sure do.

Happy Summer!!!


p.s. To switch things up a bit, here is a song that definitely is NOT country but I LOVE it.

I would even go so far as to say that...

I. F$&KING. LOVE.  It.

Consequently, I want to share it with you, my Beloved Readers.

When I first heard this song, I was sure that I had heard it somewhere before...but I hadn't. 

And then I figured that it must be a cover of some super cool song that I used to know...but it wasn't. 

The explanation I came up with in order to explain its weird familiarity is that it sounds like pretty much every super cool funky sexy song I've ever heard .... all rolled into one amazing piece of awesomeness.

Here is “Youth Without Youth” by Metric (a fantastic little Canadian Band)

You're welcome...

Monday, August 6, 2012

Pssst! Sweetie! Pass the Popcorn, Please.. And the Rootbeer. Thanks! Do You Want Any Peanut Butter M&Ms?

The strangest thing happened to me tonight.

Well, actually 4 strangest things happened to me tonight.

Earlier this evening, The Girl, My Guy and I decided to go to the movies to see “The Dark Knight Rises”. We figured that it's been out for a few weeks so there was no real pressure to get there super early. 

We had a nice leisurely dinner at home. 

Hung out with the dogs in the yard.

I “pegged out” some laundry on the line. <----that's what my English boss calls it

Even towels, socks and unmentionables were pegged out ...three laundry items that, ever since I was a child and was forced to wear/use “crisp" (aka not even a little bit soft) line-dried towels/socks/underwears...my Mom was a pioneer like me... I've promised myself that I'd never again have to endure “crisp” towels/socks/panties but there is no end to the sacrifices us pioneers make in the name of pioneering.

In case you're keeping track, that was Strangest Thing #1.... “Pegging Out Laundry-Specifically....Towels/Socks/Gitch”


Moving on...

So, because we were in “no big rush, the movie’s been out for a few weeks”, we got to the theatre only 10 minutes before the movie starts...something that I just never ever do...ever. I am a total and complete FreakShow when it comes to getting to a movie early so I can get a good seat...

Dead centre. 

2nd....3rd...maybe 4th row from the back. 

Back row is AOK, too.

I actually have a mini teeny tiny anxiety attack while waiting in line to buy tickets/snacks each and every time I go to a movie. I cannot help myself. Spur of the moment strategies are devised in order to facilitate getting through the lineups in the shortest amount of time possible so that I can get into the actual theatre and get seated in my good seat.

So, the fact that we got to the theatre 10 minutes before showtime just happens to be Strangest Thing #2...”Getting to the Theatre Less Than One Half Hour Before Showtime”

I wasn't even the least bit bothered by our tardiness.

By the by...Strangest Thing #3...“Not Being The Least Bit Bothered By Our Tardiness”

Strangest Thing or Act of Remarkable Personal Growth? 

You be the judge.

As we casually strolled down the corridor to Theatre 3 where our movie was playing, My Guy pointed out a sign with a big number 3 on it standing in front of a whole lot of velvet ropey line-up thingies.

Empty velvet ropey line-up thingies. 


Velvet ropey line-up thingies.

Uh oh.

That did not bode well.


Cue not so teeny tiny anxiety attack.

So, I quickened our pace in through the doors and up the ramp and around the corner and...


A sight that turns my brain to a quivering blob of squirrel_e_ness...



The only empty bank of seats is the two stupid rows at the very stupid front of the stupid theatre.

No way in HELL am I going to sit in that purgatory.

I could not believe that I was actually one of *those* people I usually roll my eyes and look down my nose at ...no easy feat, in case you were wondering... as I self-righteously proclaim to myself, “Self, how can anyone possibly expect to get 3 seats together if they arrive only 10 measly minutes before show time?? Silly stupid tardy people!!!”

I was a silly stupid tardy people!!!

But luckily, all was not lost. 

As I determinedly scanned the upper rows for some ray of hope, I spied, in the top far right corner, two free seats with one free seat separated by only two people.

Problem solved.

Crisis averted.


So, re-energized by my imminent and crafty not to mention, valiant escape from movie theatre no man’s land...why the hell do they even put those rows there in the first place, the  cruel sadistic bastards??? I led the charge up the stairs to our awaiting back-row seats...not dead centre but late-comers can't be choosers.

I reached my lofty destination and sweetly asked the nice older couple “Do you think it'd be possible if you could skootch over one seat so that my lovely family can sit together?”....or something to that effect....I probably dazzled him with my off-the-cuff, unrehearsed grammatically brilliant request...I am so good at that sort of thing

Strangest Thing #D...“Me Actually Having the Balls to Ask Someone to Skootch  Seats So That My Kid, My Guy and I Could Sit Together”.

Or, perhaps, more Remarkable Personal Growth??? Crazy???

I guess I kinda assumed the question to be just a sort of formality ...a rhetorical question, really, because of course you're going to skootch over a seat so that a lovely family can sit together...right??


This dude said, “No. I got here good and early so I could have these seats and there's no way I'm moving.”

To which I replied, “Really?? Oh...ok...thank you.”...and we turned and walked back down the stairs.

I actually said “thank you” to the big jerk. 

“thank you”???

I am such a weenie.

Who the hell refuses to skootch over a seat???


That guy.

Who the hell says “thank you” to a guy who just refused to skootch over a seat for them??


This guy.


Anyhow, we managed to find 3 empty just o.k. seats, mid-theatre but off to the right a little too much for my liking. And My Guy was awesome and took the loner seat just in front of the 2 seats together where The Girl and I sat, and we made do and handed our drink and bag of popcorn back and forth...probably annoying the bejeesus outta the people sitting beside us.

In hindsight, it would've been vindictively beautiful if we had’ve actually taken the seats on either side of No-Skootch Dude and his Wife and passed our snacks back and forth in front of them for the entire show.


Alas...we had to settle for annoying the innocents who we did end up sitting beside. Poor bastards.

And, as an added bonus, I got to listen to the delightful woman sitting beside me share rather loudly with her husband, some of the most ridiculous and unintentionally entertaining dumbass commentary I would’ve ever believed possible, on almost every aspect of the movie .


Also awesome was the fact that The Girl and I totally called the ending of the movie. 

Many Mother-Daughter fist bumps were executed. 

Which I'm sure annoyed no one in our immediate movie-viewing vicinity.



Saturday, August 4, 2012

But You Can Call Me Half Pint...

So, I'm pretty much a pioneer now.

Not a pioneer in the ground-breaking-doing-things-before-anyone-else-does kinda way.

That's boring.

I am pretty much a pioneer in the covered-wagon-driving, sod-house-living, carrying-my-lunch-in-a-tin-pail-to-school, Laura-Ingalls-big-bonnet-wearing, Little-House-on-the-F$&king-Prairie kinda way.


I am.

Allow me to elaborate.

As we are all well aware, I now cultivate my own vegetables in my own vegetable garden and then I harvest them and I eat them.


As of yesterday...or more recently even... today,

I now hang my laundry out to dry....

On a clothesline.





That's me.

Half Pint.

Since I am now living off the bounty of the Earth, this week’s “squirrel_e_girl & The Girl’s Country Tune of the Week” is near and dear to my pioneer farmin’ heart....so I am pleased to introduce to you:

“squirrel_e_girl & The Girl’s Country Tune of the Week”

The Girl and I have chosen yet another Luke Bryan song because:

1) As previously mentioned, he’s awesome and we love him and he looks damn fine in a ball cap...even if it is a camo ball cap.

2) This song is probably the first new country to catch my ear and make me laugh.

3) We really REALLY need rain.


D) He uses the word “ warshin’ ”

...nuff said.

So that said, here’s “Rain is a Good Thing” by Luke Bryan

Enjoy :)

Hee Hee

p.s. Look what I grew!!!!