The other day, I was rooting around in my Google Docs searching for a letter I had written 6 or so years ago. I haven't ventured into that folder in years (literally) because, as much as I love Gmail (....and I really REALLY love Gmail and am privately (very) strangely surprised/bewildered/disappointed that EVERYONE hasn't switched to Gmail...it's simply that great)... alas, I have to admit that Google Docs is kinda crap and pretty sluggish and just not terribly user-friendly...well, at least not squirrel_e_girl-friendly. For regular people it might be a piece of cake but for me not so much.
So, not only did I find the letter that I was looking for, I also stumbled upon my very FIRST (well, first since university) attempt at writing that I had forgotten all about. It was pretty neat to take a glimpse at the state of my head back then and it was interesting to see a few little idea-seeds I had inadvertently sown in that initial writing practice session. It took a couple of years for them to germinate and pop up in my Musings but they finally made it.
I thought it'd be cool to share those original thoughts with those of you who would find that sort of thing cool. I'm going to leave the whole piece 'as is'. I'm not going to change anything ....spelling, spacing, names ... It's super disjointed and rambly and kinda personal, so you may end up feeling slightly confused but that's just part of the Musings Experience ;)
By presenting it to you in this way, I'm kinda throwing my pretend anonymity to the wind which won't be much of a shocker to most since most already know who I am. Others who don't already know who I am should be prepared 'cause I'm about blow your minds.
~An Aside: You may be surprised to learn that I have a weirdly disproportionate number of 'page views' coming from Russia. I'm not exactly sure how I established an Eastern European following and if someone could explain it to me, I would be most appreciative ...I'm thinking it must be some sort of view-generating something or other...OR ... I am to Russia what The Hoff is to Germany. One or the other.~~
So here it is....A blast from the past, written on 11/12/09,
So You Think You Can Write ...
Yep, I think I can ... I know I can. It's just I don't know how ... if that makes any sense. I think I have to let go of any sort of linear thinking and just go with it. When I was in the shower I was flooded with thoughts and ideas (and water :) ) and I felt like I was going to explode unless I got them all out ... and then proceeded to stand under the stream of water ... turning down the cold little bit by little bit because for whatever reason I was afraid to come down here and write ... BUT ... I DID turn off the water before the hot water ran out (which was sort of my undeclared original plan) and I DID come down here and I DID sit down and I DID start to write (after checking to see if I had any new emails or if any new Facebook statuses popped up ... nope on both counts) So here I am ...I also had a little visit with my new buddy Yosh ... he came out from behind the fake flora and I think I caught him in the act of taking a drink ... not sure ... he's pretty hard to read ... I'm glad he's not dead ... mostly ... Is it weird that I'm free associating and for whatever reasons my ambivalence towards this little reptile brought to mind my ambivalence towards Zippy ... our miscarriage ... I certainly am a weirdie and this is going to be quite an exercise ... What other twisted thoughts are going to come pouring out ... I am also almost on the verge of tears as I'm writing all this ... I guess it's a pretty monumental moment... I am now a writer :D and I am really smiling in real life ... I think I need to write. I have a whole lotta stuff to say and if some of it is worthy of an audience then that's a bonus. I think I was afraid to write ... well a) because I'm afraid of most everything (Piglet) and b) because I don't think I'm smart enough?? and c) because I don't think I'll do it "right" but you know, even as I write all of this I know that it's all a bunch of horseshit because ... well because it just is. Horseshit. I can do this. I know I can... I could probably sit here all day and type until my fingers were raw ... I've got that much "stuff" floating around in my brain ... the squirrels can have a hey day ... actually maybe this is a way to give "Those Darn Squirrels" a voice so they can stop chattering and cluttering up my head. My plan is to ultimately write an essay titled "The Year I Lost My Husband and Found My Self/ Myself" ... I think that if I can get it out and onto this screen, it might be worthy of an audience ... I think ... but for now I'll just keep clicking away at this keyboard and see what happens. By the way, Thank you Mr. Maltby, you odd duck you. Grade 9 Typing Teacher ExtraOrdinaire. My time in your class has served me well. You seem like a very very nice man and I was shocked and impressed (shocked and awed) that you remembered me way back when in the HIllcrest school yard ... you were picking up a grandkid and i was picking up Kate. Anyhow, good on ya. A most excellent memory ... or maybe I am just that unforgettable ;)
hmmmmmmm .... now what... I have to also thank the very wonderful KG for sending me the writing books few years ago ... Thank you. You have always had a knack for making me feel really good about myself. I think you are such a cool person and I admire you LOTS. .. and lots. You Rock :D I think you have been and will continue to be very influential in my funny weird little world. Good Luck with that :D Your dog is an absolute maniac and I have wanted to strangle her on many many occasions but that would be bad ... You love her therefore I love her...sorta ... kinda...mostly.
I am looking at the wall in front of me for some inspiration ... Lamps=Shane, Bunny=Bumpa/Katy Waite ... too much ... too close ... I will seek inspiration elsewhere. I'm not on the verge of tears anymore so that is a good thing for now ... I just need to figure out way the fuck to write ...hmmm should I maybe not swear ... nah ... I like to swear so I am going to swear and if necessary, I will clean it up later. Interestingly enough spellcheck has decided to let the word fuck go by without that little red squiggly line ... Ironically, spellcheck does not recognize itself as a proper word ... hee hee (nor does it recognize hee hee ... hee hee ... i get a kick outta things like that)
My Leopard Gecko -- Yoshi by Karen Waite
Yoshi ... what the hell was I thinking. I have been hoodwinked. I might have to leave your care in the wonderful most capable hands of Shane Steele ... it is because of his "Sure!" that you are here. I haven't really been hoodwinked. I was just a sucker and got caught in a moment of weakness ... a moment of of momentary insanity ... what the fuck was I thinking?? I think you are very cute and you have holes in your head that are your ears ... but they are actual holes into your head ... I know all ears are holes in heads but usually they have some sort of outer garb to decorate them up a bit ... It's a bit disconcerting to be able to look directly into your head ... cool ... but in a disconcerting kinda way. I want you to have a good life. I want to make things comfy for you here. We will go and get you some crickets when Jackie gets home from school. Your former owner was feeding you waxworms which apparently is the equivalent to feeding you McDonalds every day ... not cool. I am a firm believer in feeding my animals nutritious high quality food so you will be placed on a new diet regime of stuff that is good for you... Ironically, Jack and I will be stopping off at McD's on the way home to grab something to eat HA!!!! There is something twisted about the fact that my animals eat healthier than my children ... but I guess I have more control over the four legged creatures than I do over the 2 legged ... except that Spencer seems to be on a bit of a Food Strike ... I guess he doesn't like Chicken Soup For the Dog Lover's Soul anymore ... tough luck ... I've got a whole big bag that he needs to get through before we try anything else. I will also buy you some new planty things and a nice little background mural for you to look at ... I don't think the heating rock is a good idea ... I don't want you to get toasted ... we'll see how much this "free" gecko is going to cost us :D
Ok ... I am off to pick up my nephew dawg Max ... I will write more later :)
Just a little bit more before I head off to bed ... Our trip to Lizard Planet was a success ... We have "pimped" out Yoshi's tank ... with a tree and some more foliage and a new cave and a new worm dish and now I'm feeling better about this whole thing ... now the little guy just has to eat something. He seems to be holding out ... and again, being the sucker that I am I bought a bunch of the most expensive worms out there ... Of course we get a gecko who a) doesn't like to be handled and b) refuses to eat regular lizard fare ... crickets ... so I have to pay top dolla to feed the little bastard ... we'll try to re-introduce the chirpers into his menu and we'll try to learn him to "warm" up to us .... might be tough for the cold blooded creature ... ok my clever quick wit is fading quickly so I must go ... also, I'm a little bit bug-eyed from playing far too much Bejeweled Blitz ... maybe that'll be the topic of my next blurby ramble... stay tuned :)
|Yoshi - Sporting his Lizard Skin Hat|
"A Comprehensive List of My Aspirations For This Shiny New Year"
- Drink more water.
- Eat less food.
- Walk more walks.
- Be more mindful