...balls

I'm thinking I might have to give up swearin'.

Nope...You're not hallucinating....You read right. 

I'm gonna ease up on my reliance on the profane. 

As much as I love...L.O.V.E... LOVE a well-placed dirty word, I think I might've reached the limit to what even I can accept as being acceptable.

Here's what happened...

The other night, My Sweetie, My Girl and I were all sitting on the couch playing Fruit Ninja, seeing who could slice the most fruits having a wonderfully fun time. 

~Now, before I continue, I feel I must address those of you who are perhaps rolling your eyes thinking how lame it is to sit around playing iPad games ... you have no idea how beautifully awesome (not to mention unfortunately infrequent) it is to have an opportunity to spend a night playing and laughing with a 15 year old who chooses to hang out with her Mum on a Friday. Yay Me!!~

So....We were having an absolute blast...The Girl, of course, was killing us...She is a Fruit Ninja Extraordinaire....a Fruit Ninja Ninja, if you will. I can hold my own but she was pulling in 10 Fruit Combos ....which is virtually unheard of. Pure Fruit Ninja Gold.

My Guy is a bit of a newb and, as such, kinda sucks.

The mother-daughter competition was beyond fierce. 

Fruit was being slaughtered all over the place!! 

Unbridled enthusiasm and reckless excitement filled the air!!

It was my turn...things were going well. I had a couple of sweet combos under my belt and I was making the most of my mad slicing skills!!

And then...

I missed the Fruit Frenzy Banana...

Super frustrated, I shouted the first thing that leapt to my mind....

"COCK...balls"

Well, that was it. Any semblance of class and decorum dissolved instantly. The Girl laughed until she hurt herself and.... I think she might've peed her pants. 

Goddamn, it was beyond hilarious. All three of us ended up in tears, clutching our aching sides.

Ahhhh good times.

Good clean Family Friday Night Fun.

BUT...

It got me to thinking.

This incident forced me to realize that if my idea of an appropriate dirty-word-diffusing substitute for "SUCKER!!!" is "...balls", then I might have to do some serious re-evaluation of my knee-jerk, 'go-to' lexicon. 

What if... I stubbed my toe in a room full of toddlers??

What if... I smashed my thumb with a hammer in front of an octogenarian bridge game??

Suppose I used the wrong fork whilst dining with the Queen??

I shudder to think of the possibilities...and their grim consequences.

So....

After much reflection, I've decided to re-vamp my vocabulary. 

No more swears for me. 

...for now ;)

Profanity, An Angel & A Wee Bit o' iTunes

So, I think I'm probably maybe the only person on the planet who owns Apple products (an iPad AND an iPhone) and has never ever purchased a single tune from iTunes ...or for that matter, has never ever downloaded a single tune from any source any where onto any of my Apple devices.

That is...

Until two nights ago...

And then things got a little bit crazy.

It all started when a Facebook Friend (My Sweetie's cousin whom I've yet to meet ...she has exceptional taste in music and is an extraordinary photographer) posted upon my wall, an amazing video by an amazing dude...

 Lead Singer for City and Colour- Dallas 'I have the voice of an angel' Green (formerly of Alexisonfire)


I finished watching and thought to myself, "Godamn, Self, but I do love me some Dallas Green. He's got the voice of a f$&king angel." <---being swept away by amazing music makes me swear...believe it or not ;)

I proceeded to watch the video 8 1/2 more times until I finally broke, smashed my fist down on the counter and loudly proclaimed ...to myself..."Self!! It is a f%#king CRIME...a CRIME... that I do NOT have any Dallas Green on either of my Apple devices. If I DID, I could listen to his dulcet tones whenever the f&@k I felt like it." <----more impassioned, musically-induced profanity at its finest.

Then...

 All hell broke loose.

I signed into my iTunes account and finally bought something. (other than many many ridiculous gaming apps ...my latest ridiculous gaming app addictions being Fruit Ninja  and Plants vs Zombies)

Well...

Actually...

One thing lead to another and I bought more than a singular something...I bought several somethings.

And here's:

"A Comprehensive List of the Several Somethings I Purchased, in a Fit Of Passionately Profane Dallas Green-lessness, on iTunes the Other Night"
by:squirrel_e_girl

• The entire City and Colour collection....including their live album. In hindsight, I may have acted a wee bit rashly...If I were less of an iTunes neophyte, I would've sifted through all the albums a little more carefully, thereby drastically reducing the number of duplicate songs. One version of Save Your Scissors is probably sufficient...ok... maybe two...three TOPS. Then, when this song came up and I was reminded that the always kickass Gord Downie accompanies Dallas on it, I was also reminded of yet another glaring omission from my music library...
• The Tragically Hip's first release which I used to have on tape but now I  have only the tape case... and that dastardly case has, for a decade and a half (at least), taunted me with its very (empty) existence. Here's the video for Small Town Bringdown ...one of the 7 (+ bonus track) raw and beautifully unpolished tracks on this EP. 
• Cat Steven's Tea For The Tillerman ...the cd we listened to during the labour and birth of my beautiful Son. Same story as the empty Hip cassette case but in this case, the offending empty vessel is in cd form....but that doesn't make its emptiness any less mocking. Stupid case. Most excellent cd. Here's Father and Son 
• All For You by Sister Hazel ...a song I absolutely adore that just happened to be that particular day's 'Blast From The Past' on a radio station I sometimes listen to but not with the enthusiasm I used to before my favourite announcer left in order to march to his own drum.. Kudos to you, RJM!!
• And if Venice is Sinking by Spirit of the West....a song I absolutely adore that I heard on CBC Radio 2 earlier that same day. Love it!
• Weighty Ghost by Wintersleep...a song I absolutely adore that showed up when I was searching City and Colour stuff. Yay! Thanks iTunes for reuniting me with this great tune.
• Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine...a song I absolutely adore that I first heard during the final scene of "Twilight" (please accept my sincerest apologies...not for the song 'cause it's crazy awesome, but for the fact that I watched, and, for the most part, enjoyed that ridiculous movie)
• Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye ...a song I absolutely adore that I first heard as a cover version in this viral video by Walk Off The Earth. Very cool. 
• Can't Keep by Eddie Vedder ...a song I absolutely adore that is by Eddie Vedder. Enough said.

Isn't that a crazy cool video?

I heart Eddie Vedder.

And Dallas F&@KING Green.

And iTunes.

And now, I'm wandering around the house with my iPad hoisted up on my shoulder, pressed into my ear...the Ghetto Blaster of my 40s.

I think I may have created a monster.

Oh yeah.

***************
Note: Sometimes, but not always, Dallas F&*KING Green bears an eerily remarkable resemblance to my brother...especially in the Save Your Scissors video...totally freaked me out the first time I saw it...still does really.

THIS JUST IN:
Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love Dallas F*&KING Green any more than I already do...he goes and does this:

So it would seem that  he not only has the voice of an angel... he also has the heart of an angel...sigh... <3



Also...If the word iTunes appears to be hyperlinked anywhere in this post, it is not of my doing. There is some phantom advertising popping up every now and then.