This may come as a bit of a shock to some of you, but, strictly speaking, I am not the most sophisticated kid around town and, on some occasions, this lack of sophistication/class shines through a little louder and a little clearer than usual.
Last night was one of those “special“ occasions...
So, the four of us were just finishing up supper, which, in and of itself, was a rather stately celebration of fanciness. We are kinda “in between grocery shopping trips‘ and Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard is pretty bare bones so we were forced to scrounge a bit...My Guy had leftover Chinese take-out, The Kiddos had KD and left-over Chinese take-out and I, having nibbled away on leftover Chinese take-out all afternoon as I sat curled up in my chair reading my free ebooks ....time that could've/should've been spent grocery shopping ...(alas, grocery shopping is extremely high on my S.A.D.H.L (SocialAnxietyDisorderHitList) and consequently, I can only occasionally muster up enough sanity to hit Zehrs all on my alonesome)... I was sorta left-over Chinese take-out-ed out so I chef’d up a couple of pieces of delicious PBn’PCBCRJ (President’s Choice British Columbia Raspberry Jam) toast. Yum Yum!!
The four of us were just finishing up our Fancy Feast (no cat food was involved....the cupboard wasn't THAT bare), and, after brushing the toast crumbs off my lap, I declared,
“Alright...I've just gotta put my pants on and we can head over to tuck the dogs in.”**
I paused for a second or two as the realisation hit .... and then sunk in ... that, for the past few months, pretty much anytime I declare my intended actions, those intended actions are invariably preceded by....
“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then we'll/I'll _________”
“Ok. As soon as I've got pants on, we'll/I’ll _________”
Par example (s):
“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then I'll come and pick you up at Becca’s.”
“ Ok. As soon as I've got pants on, we'll head into town and grab some McDonalds.”
“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then we’ll walk the dogs.”
“Ok. As soon as I've got pants on, we’ll go visit Gramma and Grampa.”
“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then I’ll go for a snowmobile ride with you.”
“Ok. As soon as I've got pants on, I'll come pick you guys up from snowboarding.”
“Alright....I've just gotta put my pants on and then I'll answer the door.” just jokes...I don't answer the door .... even if I happen to actually have my pants on.
Now, after reading the above examples, one might assume that I spend my time wandering around half-nude. However, if one did assume that ...one would make an ‘ass’ of ‘u’ and ‘me’ (another grade 4 spelling trick that has stuck with me) because I am, as a general rule, always fully clothed....
So, why?? Why would I always need to put my pants on if I'm always already fully clothed??
Also....what have I got in my pocket? hee hee
Why, you ask??
Well, lemme tell you...
Because it’s winter and it's f#%king cold outside and I spend a whole lot of time outside at work and I'm turning into a sissy in my old age and I HATE ... H.A.T.E. ... being cold and long underwear has become a daily fixture in my wardrobe but when I'm inside hanging out at home, I find pants on top of long underwear too hot and confining so as soon as I walk in from outside, I take my coat off and I then shed my jeans and wander around in my long johns all classy-like.
So anyway, there is no point to this post other than to pass on the fact that I cracked myself up when I realized that my kids are now quite used to hearing their Mum begin many many sentences with phrases describing her plans to get her pants on.
Trick is finding them first.
**A couple of nights a week, I'm responsible for letting all the dogs at the kennel out for their bedtime pee.