S.O.S....Revisited.

So, in case anyone was worried about me...

...

...

...

I'm sure many of you were ...

...

...

...

Spectacular News!!

I, somewhat miraculously, saved myself from wasting away in V.C. Andrews Land of Lustful Incestuous Lunacy.

I gave up those crap books  Cold Turkey...and have suffered no lasting ill-effects.

Here's how it went down:

As soon as I finished writing my Plea For Help, for reasons unknown(now that I think about it, perhaps it was The Universe quietly lending a much needed helping hand), I zipped over to Wikipedia, and, as previously mentioned, once there, I discovered that there was a PREQUEL to the Flowers in the Attic.

eeep



Wikipedia assured me that this prequel is equally awful/excellent.

~A Contemplative Aside: I wonder if this whole Prequel thing will ever catch on in books &/OR movies. ~


As I was reading the synopsis of the excellently awful/awfully excellent "Garden of Shadows", I thought to my Self,

"Heeeeeyyyyyy, waaaaaaaiiiit a minute, Self. I could spare us a whole lot of time and shame and braincells and, instead of reading all the rest of the books in this mind-numbingly horrible/awesome series in long form, why don't I just read their Wikipedia synposises...synopses...yeah ok spellcheck likes that one better.? By doing so, I will find out what happens in the final two books, thereby accommodating my less than stellar content retention skills AND satisfying my morbid and shameful curiosity in 3-5 minutes or less. Self, you are a goddamn genius."

So...

That is the tale of how The Universe ...and Wikipedia...came to my rescue and saved my life.

THE END.


p.s.

Laura - Did you actually go ahead and re-read these books?? If so (you foolish FOOLISH woman),  how'd it go??

K.G. - I know EXACTLY what Santa would do...he'd round up a magnificent orchestra of Kazoos to play a rousing yet soothing version of Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons" whilst he read free eBook after free eBook until his brains fell out.

S.S. - I'm not sure what to say regarding your V.C. Andrews confession.
 26 books??
Am I mightily impressed and envious??
OR
Am I shockingly dismayed and reconsidering being your friend??
hmmmmmmm....lemme get back to you on that one ;) xoxo

B.B.B.B. - You speak and The Universe listens...This weekend alone,  I've heard 3 ABBA songs on the radio.

To make up for my grievous exclusion of ABBA in my last post and for the listening...not to mention  viewing pleasure of my Beloved Readers:

How the hell could I choose just ONE??...or even just TWO???....or THREE???? ...or ELEVEN???

Oh ABBA....how I love you so.

*sigh*

Hey Everybody!!! Look at THIS!!!!

Apparently,  this weekend is "Blog Amnesty Day".


Here's what B.A.D. is all about:

http://xnerg.blogspot.ca/2013/02/the-al-weiseljon-swift-memorial.html


I am not wise in the ways of blogginess (nor am I wise in the ways of science). Consequently, I was not aware that such a grand holiday existed

 ...until today.

I was catching up on all the blogs I follow and, imagine my surprise and delight when I read THIS:

http://bigbadbaldbastard.blogspot.ca/2013/02/i-am-reminded-its-blogroll-amnesty-day.html

*** PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO PARAGRAPH #3***

This is pretty cool and I am all giddy and blushy and happy.

:D

Thanks so very very VERY much, Big Bad Bald Bastard!!

You are far too kind!!

YAY!!

p.s. It should be noted that Mr. Big Bad Bald Bastard is not even My Mom .... and he still likes my stuff.

Oh yeah!!

p.p.s. Did you notice the part when he described my post as PURE COMEDY GOLD??

HA!!

S.O.S.

I am in Big Trouble.

Big with a capital B.
Trouble with a capital T.

Actually, this is almost bad enough to warrant a large and bold print  capital B and a large and bold print capital T...with a period in between for extra emphasis.

Like this:

Big. Trouble.

It all started a couple of days ago when The Girl filled me in on some really excellent news. She had somehow discovered a website that offers free ebooks.

Please say it with me...

Free. E. Books.

*gasp*sigh*

This is mind-blowing news for a total book nerd like me...and especially mind-blowing for a cash-strapped book nerd like me.

When I arrived at this newly discovered site (aka Priceless Gift from The Universe), the first thing that caught my eye was the name VC Andrews...and if you were a pre-teen/teen girl back in the early 80s, as I just happened to be, that name will probably be wonderfully familiar!!

VC Andrews wrote the creepy bizarro series 

• “Flowers in the Attic” 
• “Petals on the Wind” 
• “If There Be Thorns”
• “Seeds of Yesterday”

She also wrote the creepy bizarro “My Sweet Audrina”.

She also wrote a whole bunch of other (no doubt equally creepy and bizarro) series but I never got around to reading any of them....I was probably still recovering from my time spent with "My Sweet Audrina" and the Flowers in the Attic books

For those of you not familiar with these masterpieces, the books recount the story of 4 beautiful children who are locked in the attic of a crazy big mansion by their recently widowed beautiful mother and their religious zealot of a grandmother. The  recently widowed beautiful mother is trying to get back in her fabulously wealthy religious zealot of a father’s good books  (aka will) after being disowned 15 years prior because she ran off and married her fabulously wealthy religious zealot of a father's much younger beautiful half-brother (aka her half-uncle). Her beautiful husband was killed in an accident leaving her unable to pay off their huge debt so she can think of no other way to survive but to sweet talk her way back into her fabulously wealthy family. But... in order to do so, she has to hide her 4 beautiful children until her fabulously wealthy religious zealot of a father forgives her because he would not abide with these “devil’s spawn”. Many horrible things happen to the children over the course of their 3+ year stint in the attic ....and the two older kids Cathy and Chris turn to one another for comfort....if you know what I mean...nudgenudgewinkwink...

yep...they do.

Anyway, ultimately, they do escape and the rest of the books deal with the rest of the story and the story is full of much incestuous love and lots and lots of “no, I don't want to have sex with you...yes I do....no I don't...you can't make me...oh...right ...I guess you can” sex. It is chock full of overwrought emotions and tragedy and revenge and crap writing.

These were the very first sexy books I ever read ...yikes...(before I moved on to Judy Blume’s “Forever” and “Wifey”.... RARRR)... 

And I gobbled them up and LOVED them...

As a kid...

A young sweet innocent impressionable kid...which may explain a few things.

Did my parents not screen what books I read?? 

HA!!

Silly me...

Of course they didn't...it was the early 80s for christ's sake. Helicopter Parenting hadn't been invented yet.

But  then...

As a grown up adult, I happened upon these books on my new favourite website and I thought...

“What the hell?! It's free.”

And downloaded “Flowers in the Attic” just for kicks.

And now...

I am hooked.

I have just started the third book and it's even more terrible than the second book and way terribler than the  first book but I can't help myself. 

I can't stop. I am compelled by some dark horrible force to keep reading these twisted, crap books.

Somebody!!!????

Please!!!

HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

...and now I must go. The evil kid-locking-in-the-attic mother has just been released from the asylum and has moved into the house next to her adult son and daughter who are living together as man and wife and raising the son the daughter had with her first husband AND the son the daughter had with her mother's second husband...

Shit’s about to get crazy...

...er.

help. 

me.

p.s. For my fellow book nerds, here is a link to what I like to call “The Best Website in The Universe”:

http://tuebl.ca/


p.p.s. Holy Crap!! I was doing a little "research" and I just found out that there is actually a prequel to the Flowers in the Attic ...of course there is...called "Garden of Shadows" ....YIKES!!

Also...

I have not used my iPad for 26 hours...

...and counting.

And I am still alive.

Weird.

To explain:

You see, one of my dogs likes to use my iPad as a landingPad.

I'll be sitting in my chair or laying in bed and Willow will drop out of the sky and land directly on top of my precious iPad. She has left a couple of scratches in it and seems intent on leaving more...

BUT...

Like an angel from the heavens, My Guy has come to my rescue.

For Christmas, he bought me a super crazy strong screen protector that, legend has it, you can take a knife to and it won't leave a mark. Hmmm.

Sounds good to me.

I don't particularly need to slice up my Apple products with a Henkel but if it can actually manage to shield my iPad from the doggie nails of my Ninja Wheaten I will be more than satisfied.

Now, for whatever reason, before applying this magical dog deflector one must either remove the battery...???...which is nigh on impossible...

OR...

Turn it off and leave it off...

FOR 24 F*@KING HOURS!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????!!!

I was actually a little bit/a big bit anxious about not being able to use my iPad for 24 hours. I truly do believe that I have a strange unnatural bond with my iPad. I might even go so far as to call it an addiction. YIKES!!!

BUT!!!

I did it.

I lasted 24+ hours without it and I don't think I've suffered any lasting effects...apart from a teeny tiny twitch in the corner of my left eye.

YAY ME!!

Now, I am just patiently waiting for the application of this deflector shield to take place and then life as I know it will resume.

Phew!!

"Shields Up, MotherF*@ker!!"

Something Else.

OH!!!

Guess what I got for Christmas!!!

I got $105 in iTunes gift cards!!

Isn't that great??

I sure think so.

I was crazy excited when the iTunes gift cards kept rolling in.

Like a kid in a candy store.

Or...

Like a lunatic in an iTunes store.

I was all keyed up and ready to go on a huge song-buying binge. I sat down in my big comfy chair and settled in for a good time.

You know how many songs I purchased?

Two.

...actually I think I managed to get three.

Confession ~ I did also buy the new Mumford and Sons album but I didn't really know how to go about redeeming my gift cards so it automatically went on my Visa card instead -.- so I'm not counting it. I then asked The Boy how to do it and he showed me so I was back in business and bought...

Three songs.

And a game.

Pathetic.

How come when I'm spending my own money, I can zip though songs like crazy snapping them up like nothing and then when I have one hundred and five FREE dollars at my disposal I freeze up and can't decide on a damn thing??

*sigh

The songs I did end up buying are kinda neat. The Girl, being 16, listens to songs over and over and over again at a very high volume....as 16 year old girls are wont to do, and two songs that have been in heavy rotation for the past few months are:

• "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons
• "The a Team" by Ed Sheeran

I kinda like them so I bought them.... no doubt due to some sort of Recency Effect. ...and desperation.

I. MUST. BUY SOMETHING.

(This post is kinda like that too .....I. MUST. WRITE. SOMETHING...so I'm writing something just to write something...no matter how inane that something is. Now Katy, I'm not saying your songs are inane. They are great)

And I also got this song:

• "Pull Me Through" by Jim Cuddy

I already have that one on CD but it popped up in Genius and suggested that I may like it and, as mentioned previously, I was desperate...and I heart Jim Cuddy ... a lot.  He is very sexy .... in a Woody from Toy Story/Wayne Gretzky kinda way. That may not be a kind of sexy that appeals to you but it does to me....RARR!!

And the game I bought is one my fravourite friend told me about. "Parking Lot"...it's fun and frustrating.

And that's IT.

There must be something wrong with me.

I should probably see a doctor about this.



p.s. Any iTunes recommendations would be much appreciated.

Something.

CHRIST!!!

I have GOT to write SOMETHING!!!

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me or why the hell I haven't written anything in a very long time but I'm going to fix that by simply...

WRITING. SOMETHING.

...
...
...

My thumb hurts.

The skin on my hands is super dry and has actually cracked open on the side of my thumb...and it hurts.

TAH DAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

I wrote something.

:D


p.s. I also slammed my pinkie in my car door and it hurt like a bastard. A great big nasty vicious bastard. It's really pretty...see

I'm ALIIIIIIIVE!!!

This is the first thing I saw this morning:

HOLY SHIT!!

My closet door was open ALL NIGHT.

AND...

 I didn't get sucked into it by a lunatic clown.

I have not willingly/knowingly slept with my closet door open since 1982.

In 1982,  My Dad, acting on a horribly misguided suggestion from a so-called friend, brought his young family to see a "fun" movie called "Poltergeist".

My life has never been the same.

Most notably, I have NEVER slept with my closet door open.

EVER.

But I did last night.

...even though these were my last words to My Guy before I turned off my light:

"Oh shit...I forgot my closet door open. Can you close it please? Thanks"

And then I fell asleep.... blissfully unaware that he had in fact NOT CLOSED MY CLOSET DOOR EVEN THOUGH I ASKED HIM SWEETLY!!!

We will be discussing this when we speak at lunchtime.

It is the second near-death experience I have endured in the past week. (well, technically, it's the third, if you count The Apocalypse That Never Was)

Hopefully, I will make it to see the dawning of 2013.


p.s. In an effort to maintain my blog's Full Disclosure Policy...my closet is never that tidy. It just so happens that yesterday was the day that I switched my closet over from summer to winter and everything is still all neat and organized-like.

Yes, yesterday was December 26th....and I live in Canada.