Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Have Minion. Will Declutter.

Throw back the curtains!! Crank open the windows!! Wrap my head in one of those cute do-rag thingys!! Pull off the stupid f*#king bandana that refuses to miraculously transform itself into a snappy but functional bit of headwear, crumple it up and toss it behind a pile of books!!! Turn up the tunes and break out the Swiffer!! It's time to clean this joint up!!

You may wonder..."What's with all this unbridled enthusiasm??"

And then you will most likely answer yourself ..."Must have something to do with the fact that it's the end of March and that's when people typically set about doing their Spring Cleaning. Yes, I'm sure of it ...THAT is why she's whipping herself into a housecleaning frenzy."

Well, I'm sorry to break it to you... but you're wrong.

I, squirrel_e_girl, do not play slave to the dictates of the calendar and its presumptuous seasonal 'to do' list. Nor do I bow to societal pressure or the suggestive nature of television marketing.(I can't even begin to count how many commercials I've seen this last month shamelessly peddling bandanas)

That is NOT why I'm flinging myself into domestic decluttering with such reckless abandon.

The reason I am re-organising and cleaning my home is because .... My 12 year old son thinks it'd probably be a pretty good idea.

...and I should maybe start with the medicine cabinet in the bathroom because "You know how when people spring clean, they start with something small like organising one cupboard and then move on to the next one. Well, the shelves in the bathroom are kinda messy.... and it won't take you very long to do".

Hmphf .... the nerve of that child!!

But, you know, he's kinda sorta right.

Well... actually...he's absolutely right.

And to be fair, he's been very gentle and tactful with his graduated system of dropping subtle hints.

It all started a couple of weeks ago when he and I were hanging out in the living room and I noticed him thoughtfully surveying his surroundings. It went a lil somethin' like this....

"Hey Mum. Is it usually in the spring when people do a big clean up of their houses?".

"Yes. It's a phenomenon referred to as "Spring Cleaning". By end of the winter, everyone is fed up with hibernating, and so, more than ready to get rid of all the clutter that has accumulated over months of living primarily indoors." <~See how smarty-pants-like I talk to my kid. We are a very eloquent bunch ;)

"huh", he says.

...and walks away.

And I am left to thoughtfully survey my surroundings...and notice all the clutter that has accumulated over months of living primarily indoors.

I can't remember verbatim all the other little allusions he's made to the fact that he is of the opinion that cleanliness is next to godliness(or some other such foolishness) ...but they have been tactfully floated out here and there/now and then, throughout the last two weeks...And, I have to say, I've been pickin' up what he's been droppin' .... at least in the figurative sense.

(Before I continue, I feel I must clarify .... As much as my son would have you believe...We do not live in a state of filth and squallor. Sure, things could stand a bit of tidying up and sorting out and there might be the odd dust bunny that needs lasso-ing....but...Most of the flat surfaces in the house are clear and we can use the furniture for their originally intended purpose. In short, you won't be seeing me on any future episodes of "Hoarders"...god damn I love that show. It's sooooo bad.)

So, anyway, this morning when my darling spawn suggested an overhaul of the medicine cabinet (...with particular focus on the toothbrush holder, please. "It's gross"), I leapt into action.

The toothbrush holder is now sparkly clean. The hair products are in the hair product area. The daily moisturizer is tucked in nicely beside the night-time moisturizer. It's all good.

Stand Back!!

I am on the move!!

A veritable cyclone of de-cluttering and cleaning!!

 Perhaps, I'll even do a little bit of whistling while I work ;)
[cue onslaught of super cute and surprisingly dexterous woodland creatures]

 Update #1. This afternoon, when the Boy emerged from the bathroom after his daily "Oh my god!! I have to pee!!" sprint off the bus, he exclaimed, "Aren't my ideas AWESOME !!" ....ahhhh.... He noticed.
Update #2. He has since been recruited to my Anti-Clutter Crusade... ahhhhhh... a minion. I've always wanted one.

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