Friday, June 17, 2011

Cry Me a River

After re-reading my Country Music post for the 128th time, it struck me that my occasional reference to the fact that country songs make me cry and that I'm prone to crying when I hear certain country songs and that quite often I cry when I listen to country music, may have given people the impression that I cry a lot. I feel as though I should probably clear up any possible misconceptions regarding the strength of my character.

I'm here to set the record straight.

I, squirrel_e_girl, am a crybaby.

A big one.


Always have been. Always will be.

Not a damn thing I can do about it.

I've learned to live with my propensity for tears. Embraced it even. It's part of my charm.

I cry when I'm really really sad. I cry when I'm really really happy. I cry when I'm really really tired. I cry when I'm really really mad ... which sucks because I could be mid-heated debate, in the act of stating an awesome point and making solid headway with my case and... WHAM-O ... the waterworks fire up and any credibility ...or pride...I have, is washed away in a flood of saline. Crap.

And, as luck would have it, I'm not a very attractive crier. My face goes all super crazy splotchy-like....apparently, starting with my nose. I was blissfully unaware of that last bit o' info until just recently when my daughter kindly pointed it out... She's a splotchy-face crier, too. (You're welcome, my darling. A gift from you :P) As a bonus though, my eyes do go a rather lovely and rather cool shade of green when I cry. Alas, you have to get past all the splotchy cheeks/red nose bullshit in order to appreciate their lovely cool green-ness. Oh well.

Here is ....

...apart from all the typical Mandatory Crying Events (MCE)...
Weddings/Funerals/Line-ups at Canada's Wonderland on a blistering July afternoon....

"A Comprehensive List of Things That Make Me Cry"
by: squirrel_e_girl

  • Country Music ...see last blog post for blah blah wah wah details
  •  The First Day of School...a little tradition I started back in 1975. At least now I'm not the one on the school bus and I can usually hold it together until my kids' bus pulls away so as not to mortally embarrass everyone involved.(and, by the way, this includes my first day of university. No school bus involved (thank god) but I was astonishingly hung-over and had zero sleep the night before (thank Beer Fest) so it was a hell of a way to start the year. Nice work, 19 year-old Me)
  • A Baby Story on TLC ... Every. Single. Episode. I. Watch. Doesn't matter if I watch the whole show or just happen to tune in in time to catch a glimpse of the freshly squeezed out teeny tiny slimy newborn, it gets me. Did I cry following the births of my own two teeny tiny slimy newborns? Oddly...nope. But show me some strangers on T.V. experiencing the joy of new life and I'll cry like...well, like a baby.
  • Remembrance Day Assemblies ...something about little kids paying solemn tribute just wrecks me. Amazing.

Which reminds me...

  • The Bell commercial where a young guy calls his grampa from the beach at Dieppe to thank him ...oy yoy yoy ... Watch it yourself... I dare you
  • Singing "O, Canada" ...The True North strong and sappy (...don't even talk to me about singing "O Canada" at a Remembrance Day assembly...)
  • This commercial for Toronto Sick Kids ....boy oh boy
  • Any commercial for any charity for underprivileged children or abused animals....Yikes.I avoid them at all cost. One peek at Sally Struthers and I am outta there.
  • "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch ...Not a chance I can get through that f@#ker in one piece.
  • "You're All My Favorites" by Sam Mc Bratney ...Not that one either.
  • "Marley & Me" by John Grogan ...holy shit.
  • "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova ....quite a way to spend New Years Day.
  • "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" by Ann Brashares...shut up...I must've been at my hormonally-challenged best/worst when I read it.
  • Pretty much any animated movie made by any company whose name begins with 'Dis' and ends with 'ney', or starts with 'Pix' and ends with 'ar'
  • "A Walk to Remember" ... there are no words ...and no excuse, really... Well, except for the fact that it happened to be in heavy rotation on the Movie Channel during a period of intense insomnia in my life  and...I am a wienie.
  • "Finding Neverland" ....For whatever reason the ending of that movie rendered me unable to speak until we were out of the theatre and within the safe confines of our Jetta and then I bawled like an idiot. I thought it might've been a "one off" but it had the same effect when I watched it on DVD ...minus the Jetta
  • stupid "American Idol" and "So You Think You Can Dance"... Don't judge me...not something I'm proud of.
  • Moments of Acute Pride...These are the most powerful and most crippling incidents and are reserved specifically and especially for my babies. Piano Recitals/Graduations/Wrestling Matches/Soccer Games/Acts of Genuine Kindness etc etc never fail to bring a smile to my heart and a tear (or 2000) to my eye. yeah... in case you were wondering...

That's what makes girl like me cry.

Important Edit #1: I cannot believe that I forgot these ones (Thanks M.S.),,,
  • Christmas Morning...Splotchy Face + Bed Head = Excellent Photo Op
  • Singing Happy Birthday to my Kids ... Splotchy Face + Holding a Cake = Excellent Candle-Lit Photo Op


Melissa Smart said...

Oh you make me laugh!

First thing I thought of was that fucking Bell commercial, gets me every time! Also the one where the girl leaves and the box her Dad gave her rings and it's a new cell phone and it's him saying he loves her. Killer.

I tend to get choked up but not actually cry. Moments of pride, happiness, etc. Makes it impossible for me to speak (I know, hard to believe), and frankly I'd rather cry outright so that I could talk.

Things that make me cry:

Moulin Rouge where Nicole Kidman dies at the end and Ewan MacGregor is distraught and the whole cast is crying, that doesn't get me. Kidding, every time again.

P.S. I Love You (the movie and the book). S.O. thought I was insane when I was crying while reading it.

Royal Weddings and/or remembering Princess Diana. It's weird, I know this, but it is what it is.

Watching the kids do stuff like win awards, perform in choir/strings/sports etc. It's a pride thing again.

That's all I can think of right now. I try to repress the sappy/emotional feelings that come along with being a girl. Just cause I have a pussy doesn't mean I have be one right?


OH! Christmas morning, that gets me. And singing Happy Birthday to the kids.

Johnny Waite said...

YOU ARE BLOGGERIFIC! Another great one :)

squirrel_e_girl said...

Thanks, Dudes!! You both are fabulous and hilarious in fact, fabulously hilarious and I very much appreciate your comments.

D'OH!!!! Christmas Morning and Happy Birthday to the kids!!! How could I have possibly forgotten those ones?? They should've been at the top of the list... even BEFORE The Baby Story ;) ... I'm gonna have to add them. Please forgive me for blatantly swiping them. Moulin Rouge was a tough one, too. (awesome soundtrack BTW)

squirrel_e_girl said...

Oh, and Mel, you should've seen me trying to get through my speech at my parents' 40th anniversary party ... It's kinda difficult to give a speech when you can't speak. Standing all splotchy-faced and twitchy ... and sobbingly silent... in front of a crowd of 30+ people ... Awesome.

LisaAnn said...

This post is FANTASTIC, and your comment on my blog actually made me laugh out loud! What a damn gem you are! ;)

Karen said...

OMG Squirrel_e_grrl....

We are cut from the same soggy kleenex, my friend. I was crying at Bell Canada commercials loooong before the Dieppe one, but that is the tearjerker to end them all. Also, in no particular order: anything to do with animals getting almost hurt or actually hurt; people speaking from their hearts and saying kind things to me or any one else; birthday parties for beloved, elderly relatives; stories of hope involving down's syndrome people; pretty much any time in a movie or TV episode when the sad music swells to make its poignant point even pointier; saying goodbye to people who live far away (i.e. beyond the GOA) and anything to do with lions or wolves being saved. There is much more - but thank you for connecting with crybabies everywhere. You are ( ~sniff ~) so,(~hiccup~) damned special (~sob ~)

Still Singing said...

Great post!
I am not really that much of a crier, but parades and small children in recitals make me well up. I have no idea why.
As for books - dog books, specifically - don't EVER read The Art of Racing in the's the best worst book... I mean, read it, it's really good, but be prepared. And skip the Story of Edgar Sawtelle...seriously skip it. Tragic and tragic and maddeningly tragic.

Somehow I missed your prolific June! :D

squirrel_e_girl said...

More Comments!!! YAY!!!

@LisaAnn ...Thanks :) p.s. I believe you have the most excellent job in the world. Lucky.

@KG ...CRYBABIES FOREVER!!! Swelling sad music IS a killer. Yikes!!! I'm also with you on the lions/wolves ... but then I must add "Watching any creature getting smoked on any wildlife show" I once watched a show that featured a litter of wee baby lions being slaughtered by an invading big male lion...awesome... those images are forever carved into the limestone walls of my mind. Not good... moving on ... You are pretty damned special yourself :D
@SS ... Thanks, Lady!!! :) ... although ...Where were you last summer before I read "The Art of Racing in the Rain"?? I could've saved a several dollars on the several boxes of tissues that I power-sobbed through ... It my book club August's book so I better stock up again ;) And consider your advice re:Edgar Sawtelle taken ... no need to read that bad boy. I will return the favour ... Do NOT read "The God of Animals" ... I repeat ... Do NOT read "The God of Animals" ... for the very same reason you cited for NOT reading Edgar Sawtelle. Don't do it. You're welcome.

Still Singing said...

I really liked the story of the Art of Racing in the Rain, but my book club didn't get it as powerfully as I did. Only the other dog people truly understood.