My New Favourite Search Keywords!!

So, I've decided to, for the most part, ignore any and all the search keywords having anything to do with "porn", "squirrel", "Scaredy, "dirty","cartoon" or any combination of those aforementioned words. When checking in on my stats, I usually give a brief perfunctory glance down at the Search Keyword area, mutter a quick perfunctory "sickos" under my breath and carry on with my day.

A Quick Definition...for people who are my parents: Search Keywords are words that people type into any search engine that, for whatever reason,  happen to lead their search to my blog. For those of you who may wonder what the search keywords that have led the most people to my blog?? "Santa Claus" YAY!!!

A Quack Observation: I just watched 2 ducks casually stroll across my front yard....huh...not something you see everyday/ever. The lovely couple has carried on waddling down the street. This brings me great joy and I thought I'd share. Thanks for the smile, Mr & Mrs Mallard.

Well....

Imagine my surprise and delight when, just now, I discovered a fresh new group of search keywords!!!

And, those surprising and delightful words are....

drumroll, please.

"musings for the sensitive lumberjack"

AND...

"watching drunk women peeing at concerts"

HA!!!

Isn't that GREAT!!??

Lumberjacks and women peeing at concerts!!! Finally, a break from cartoon squirrel porn.

It's like a breath of fresh air.

*sigh*

So, I gather the lumberjack one led that person to this post and I'm pretty sure the drunk women one led that person to this post

A Word of Caution: the first link is a post where I talk a little about lumberjacks and a little about crying ...huh...weird. And the second link is a post where I'm drunk ...at a concert.

Ok...

So...

If you actually clicked on the second link and actually watched the videos... A) I'm sorry and 2) I'm not that obnoxious for reals... it was just the booze and tremendous amounts of caffeine talking.

The week AFTER that concert I posted this post which, near the end, has a video of me promising that the next time I go to a Zac Brown Band concert, I will remain sober and I that I will also remain for the encore...yikes.

Well, guess what!!

ZBB is coming to town!!!

And I have tickets!!

THREE of 'em!!

Yep... The Girl is coming with us and I am very very excited about that. It'll be the first concert we've gone to together since she was little (we went to see Xavier Rudd a few times. His shows are super cool. And almost five years ago we went to see Avril Lavigne. Her shows are super loud. Thousands of screaming tween girls...Holy Shit!! And actually, I was rather impressed with how Avril handled herself on stage. She seemed happy and level-headed and was really quite professional.)

Even though I knew what the answer would be, before I went ahead and bought the tickets, I texted The Boy to ask if he wanted to go too. He texted back:

"No"

Don't sugarcoat it, Jack. You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings. I can take it.

Anyhow, the only bummer about it all is that the concert is on August 30th...and that is a LOOOOOOONG long ways away and I am a total instant gratification kinda guy and waiting over 4 months for something this exciting is excruciating. So when the big day finally arrives, I'll be all "WAHOOooOOooOO!! Zac Brown concert!!! AWESOME!!!" but when that big day arrives, it'll also mean that summer is over and I'll be all "Damn. Winter is coming." <----That one is for the Game of Thrones peeps out there.

~An Aside: My birthday is August 13th and when I was a kid, I'd do the super excited kid Birthday Countdown and could hardly wait until it arrived and then it always did and then I'd look at the calendar again and, "AH MAN!!! Only two weeks until back to school. Crap!".So in that way, birthdays have always been kinda bittersweet for me.~

So...to summarize:

Zac Brown Band concert. August. No to Rockstar [+Vodka]s. Yes to Encore. Personal Growth. Winter. Lumberjacks.

Xavier Rudd:

Zippity Do Da...It's a Mad World

ok....

As we are all very aware, I can be a wee bit sensitive and I am prone to shedding a tear or two every now and then.

So it should come as no surprise that this past week or so has taken its toll on my smooshy little heart.

 If I had a difficult time dealing with news of baby lambs dying in snowdrifts in Scotland how the hell am I supposed to cope with news of beautiful young high school girls being raped by young high school boys and being brave enough to come forward only to be bullied by their peers and ignored by the law to the point where committing suicide seemed their only way out?? Or news of devastating explosions that have claimed the lives of innocents and left countless others maimed and scarred physically and emotionally?? Or the fact that the horror of the graphic images and stories surrounding these happenings almost....almost...pale in comparison to horror of the ugly comments left by so many people spewing words of hatred and ignorance and bigotry?? Or the ridiculous political attack ads being launched 2 years ahead of any election?? Or the mounting evidence proving the nearly incalculable environmental damage being wrought by the development of the Alberta tar sands and why have our nation's scientists have been effectively bound and gagged by our government??

How are my squirrelly mind and my smooshy heart supposed to cope??

Well...for starters, I make a point of limiting the number of news articles I read and news pictures I click on and news videos I watch. I avoid the television like the plague and in the wake of the whole Scottish Sheep Debacle, I've become quite adept at switching the radio station as soon as one peep of news is uttered.

In spite of my best efforts though, I have had a few (maybe more than a few) moments where the sadness of the world has swallowed my hope and I have cried.

I have cried for the victims. I have cried for the survivors. I have cried for the planet. I have cried for MY children who will be forced to grow up and survive in this Universe that seems so far past the point of any redemption.

BUT!!!

This terrible/wonderful internet has also brought me many many joyous and beautiful and touching words and images that have also moved me to tears.

Happy tears. Hopeful tears.

And I just thought I'd share a bunch of them.

You don't have to watch them all....although they are all pretty wonderful.

Here we go:

"A Comprehensive List of Things That Have Made  Me Cry  Happy and Hopeful Tears Because They Are Happy and Hopeful ... Well, Sometimes They Are Not Entirely Happy But They Are For Sure Hopeful"
by: squirrel_e_girl

• A video of a newborn baby being bathed in the most gentle and beautiful way

• A video of a wonderful woman communicating with a woman who suffers from Alzheimer's and is unable to speak

• Marriage Inequality is struck down in New Zealand

• The amazing spoken poet, Shane Koyczan, tells a story of great courage

• Once more, the amazing spoken word poet, Shane Koyczan, tells a story, this time it's about bullying

• A young autistic girl is given the means to communicate and the results are mind-blowing

TAH DAH!!! 

Didya cry?? Huh?? Didya?? Didya??

Or maybe even tear up a little tiny bit?? 

Experience a tiny catch in your throat??

Well, anyway...

In the immortal words of Johnson and Johnson... Let there be No More Tears!!

So here's ...

"A Comprehensive List of Things That Made Me Happy and Didn't Make Me Cry"

by: squirrel_e_girl

• This

• This... an elephant seal pup snuggles with a journalist (Thanks, Leslie)

• Political Attack Ad Parody....mmmmm Justin Trudeau

• Smeagol sings "Mad World" HA!!

• And because there has been no dancing or swearing in this post yet ...

Ok...that's it.

I hope you watched some of these videos.

I think they are fun and they make me happy and I want you to have fun and be happy too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Also....just because I like it...

And because a Bastard reminded me about something that also made me happy...Daffodils and Hyacinths are finally showing themselves in my garden. Yay!!! See...

Game ON!!!

I have a shameful secret.

It's time for me to come clean.

~To set the stage~

My son is a gamer.

Yuck.

His game of choice is Call of Duty and I guess his current specialty is Black Ops II .

It's a first-person shooter game.

It's gross.

He LOVES it!!

He is wildly passionate about it.

He would put Rain Man to shame with his recitation of stats and facts about all the different guns involved and available in the game.

It is unbelievable.

This game, and the countless others like it, go against pretty much everything the ol Erstwhile Husband and I have tried to instill into his sweet wonderful little brain over the years.

Peace. Love. Reading. Disney movies.

Now THOSE are things that were more up our alley.

Not blood and guts and killing and guns and killer guard dogs.

When they were little, we limited the kids' daily television viewing/computer use time to half an hour. We monitored the shows they watched and computer sites they visited. The Gameboy The Boy received for Christmas when he was 7 was accompanied by a note from Santa that laid out some pretty strict ground rules for any and all Gameboy usage. If these rules were breached, the Gameboy would be taken away.

We were right on top of things (if we did say so ourselves).

That was then.

Now his big dilemma is whether or not to "invest" in Grand Theft Auto IV... stealing cars and hookers.

Good Christ.

If all that wasn't bad enough, what makes it even worse is the fact that he plays all the time.

All.

The.

Time.

Good Christ.

Here's the shameful secret variable of the "my son is a gamer" equation...

I let him do it.

In fact, I try to be supportive of his passion...he doubts my sincerity (he's a clever boy) but I try to take an interest in his interest.

I actually even handle the transactions in which games rated Mature are purchased. You see, the stores can't sell games to kids under 17...rather... they cannot take money directly from the hand of a kid who is under 17. They're totally cool if that under 17 kid is standing beside his over 17 Mum whilst she grits her teeth and hands over her child's hard-earned birthday and Christmas money  in exchange for a violent game that she wishes her under 17 kid wouldn't play.

For Christmas last year, we gave him a fancy schmancy headset that allows him to listen to the game in kickass stereo sound as well as talk to the dudes he's playing with online.

This past weekend, he made Master Prestige in Black Ops II ...which I gather is rather impressive.

He was at his Dad's when this mighty achievement was achieved and he posted about it on Facebook.

As any good Mum would, I immediately "Liked" his status update and commented "Nice Work!!"...and then I sent him a congratulatory text that read,

"Hey JJ!! Congrats on getting your Master Prestige!! All your hard work paid off :D"

To which he replied,

"hahahahahaha Thanks"

Ok...now the congratulatory text might've been a bit much and he obviously could see right through it...

But, you know what??

 I actually meant it.

Honest.

He worked hard for months and he accomplished what he set out to do...and even though it's just a game...he worked hard and it's something that's important to him.

I do struggle A WHOLE BIG BUNCH with how much time he spends gaming and I try to justify it by noting that the act of gaming DOES involve tons of problem-solving and team work and it DOES strengthen his hand-eye coordination and he IS interacting with his buddies and his step-brother through Xbox Live so when he's holed up in his room, he's "virtually" surrounded by his good friends and he's not by himself just playing with faceless strangers.

He loves it and it's been difficult to get him passionate about much over the course of his teenage life ... so I don't want to undermine this passion. As much as I wish with all my heart that he was passionate about something that didn't involve sitting in his room for hours on end playing violent video games, I don't want to discourage this rarely displayed enthusiasm.

A few years ago, I stopped telling him that I didn't want to hear all the intricate details about his games ( even though I find them horrible and slightly tedious...sorry JJ) because, the way I see it,  regardless of conversational content, he's talking to me.

And that's awesome!!

I figure that if I don't listen/pay attention when he talks to me about the simple small stuff  he likes, he sure as hell won't talk to me when the big important stuff comes up.

I don't want him to think that what's important to him (however tedious and unimportant it might be to me,...sorry JJ) isn't worthwhile or interesting.

That's not a nice feeling.

I also figure that he's not smoking weed at school or partying and getting hammered every weekend (or ever, really).

He isn't manipulating girls and breaking hearts.

He's not surfing countless porn sites (unless HE'S the one racking up the scaredy squirrel porn pageviews...bastard!!)

He is doing well in school.

He is kind.

He is a nice respectful 14 year old boy.

So he's got that going for him...which is nice.

He's a good kid and he likes his family... I'm not sure how common that is amongst teenage boys.

~A Quick Illustration of The Boy's Character: Last year, I was super excited when the Disney movie "Brave" came out...I adore Disney movies and announced that we were having a Family Movie Night and the 4 of us headed out to the theater and watched this fun and beautiful movie. On the drive home, we were discussing the merits of the film and giving our "Out of 10" ratings and The Boy said that it was "ok" and I said "hmmph" and gave him 10/10 for lack of enthusiasm and thought nothing of it until a week or so later when it dawned on me that I made my 14 year old son go to the theater to see a Disney Princess Movie...in public...with his Mum...and he didn't raise one single word of protest....*sigh* I love My Boy.~

We are unbelievably lucky.

So if he's spending his time gaming instead of doing any of the less pleasant activities mentioned above, I guess I've gotta be satisfied and happy that he's a good kid... who likes to game.

Game On!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

p.s. There's actually a punch line to this story...the other day, he came out of his room/gaming den with a bit of a lopsided grin on his face and tells me that he's been suspended from Xbox Live (the online gaming community) for 48 hours because he used the word "shit" in his Bio.

He had described himself as "A gamer and a longboarder who also does some other shit."

And apparently they took offence.

Which both cracks me up and impresses me a little bit.

It cracks me up that "they" provide a virtual arena where gamers from around the globe unite and proceed to gun each other down by the thousands BUT they draw the line at a kid using the word shit in his Bio.

However, it impresses me that "they" actually do some sort of monitoring of content and are willing to take "appropriate" (??) disciplinary action when the need arises.

...anyway

I thought it was kinda funny.

I'll have to advise The Boy to clean up his potty mouth.

 It's unbecoming ;)

The End Was Nigh!!

I'm just in the middle of a YouTube Journey through some kickass 80s tunes and I must share this one...

"Dancing with Tears in my Eyes" by Ultravox

Holy Shit I loved this song.

I had it on 45 and I listened to it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

And then I would listen to it again.

I thought it was so romantic ... and so fucking terrifying at the same time.

~An Aside .... When I was a kid, I was  completely freaked out by the threat of nuclear war ... and when I say I was completely freaked out by the threat of nuclear war I mean...

I WAS COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT BY THE THREAT OF NUCLEAR WAR!!!

My parents spent a couple of hours talking my 13 year old super sensitive self down after we watched the movie "The Day After".  I guess I was ridiculously traumatized by the events in the movie and had a total meltdown (no pun intended). I couldn't /wouldn't go to bed and I remember sitting up with my Mom and Dad in the family room talking and talking and talking ... and I may have cried a little ... (you may remember that I am the girl who cried about the poor dying lambs in Scotland, so the fact that I shed a couple of tears over the destruction of humanity by way of nuclear holocaust should come as no great surprise.) 

I just watched a clip from the movie...the first time I've seen it in 30 years ... and I think I feel my blood pressure going through the roof...I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. Is that a good thing??

Take a look at it yourself:

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!

...
...

Back to my blog post about a super great 80s pop song...

So, anyway...I loved/love the song and while the song's video did little to lessen my nuclear war threat freaked-outed-ness, it did not lessen my love and appreciation of the actual song itself.

I remember swaying my way around my living room with the stereo turned up way too loud for my Mom's tastes.

Sorry Mom...

Although ... 

Before I get too far into my apology for listening to loud music 30 years ago....

...I can't believe you guys didn't encourage me to NOT watch the horrifying nuclear bomb movie that scarred me for life. Did it not occur to either of you that I was the same kid who had to leave the room whenever "Those Amazing Animals" showed any segments that were preceded by the "The Following Scenes May Be Too Graphic For The Sensitive Viewer" type of warnings ?? ... if I couldn't bear to watch a lion take down a gazelle, why did you think I'd be able to handle watching the Russians take down civilization??

sheesh.

Anyway...

I absolutely LOVE "Dancing With Tears in My Eyes" by Ultravox.

Here it is again (just in case you missed it up there)

It's great.

Sleep tight!!

:D

I Know Nothing!!

For the record, I was not involved...

http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/04/08/nutella-heist-thieves-make-off-with-five-tons-of-popular-chocolate-hazelnut-spread-from-a-parked-trailer/


While they may possess questionable morals, those thieves show impeccable taste in chocolatey bread spreads.

Hats off to them.

However...

Dig, if you will, the picture of...

... a bunch of guys dressed in black, standing in some dude's garage somewhere in Germany ...  They pull off their matching balaclavas, shake out their balaclava-hair and as they gaze proudly and fondly at their plunder, one of them pipes up with the question that is undoubtedly whirling around in all their minds...

"Well.....now what??"

Indeed.

What the hell are they going to do with 20 grand worth of hazelnutty deliciousness??

Now they're going to have to swipe a tractor trailer load of Wonderbread...but, realistically, they'd never eat their way through a tractor trailer load of Wonderbread because  it'd eventually go stale and/or turn bluish green before they could even put a dent in it.

Unfortunately, this was most likely a gateway heist.

The poor bastards are doomed to a lifetime of bread thievery.

A spectacular crime that has rocked the world??

Yes.

A well-thought out spectacular crime that has rocked the world??

Not exactly.

Silly silly boys.

And now, I believe it bears repeating...

In spite of my passionate love of all things Nutella, I was NOT involved....

...in any way, shape or form.

And neither was my good friend, Shultzy.

A Couple of Announcements...

I am going to bed now...(btw that's not one of the announcements)

Do you have any idea what THAT means??

It means that, unless during the night, I somehow manage  to sleepwalk into the kitchen and raid the left-over Easter Bunny candy, I have somehow .... miraculously...made it through an entire day without eating any crap!!!

YAY ME!!!

I am embarrassed to admit that this was a HUGELY difficult feat for me to pull off.

But I did it!!

YAY ME AGAIN!!!

And now I am going to have a nice glass of water to wash down my nightly dose of Melatonin (aka The Best Life-Changing Invention in the Universe ...for me anyway) and hop into bed and call it a day!!

A day of eating well.

BAM!!!

Amen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh...

And my second announcement is that this here blog post is the 4th consecutive post that does NOT contain an F-bomb.

Could it be that I am growing up and turning over a new leaf??

Nah.

There's always a future post that will be begging, I say BEGGING, for some lovely foul language.

But for now, I'll have to make do with this....

BOOOGGERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

N'night!!!

Here's a little Friday Night Dance Party favour for you....

Yesterday, whilst doing a bit of wandering around on YouTube, I happened upon ....

THIS:

Holy Crap!!

This.

 Is.

 Awesome.

It really really is.

Now...

... you may...

....or may not ...

.... be a fan of New Kids on the Block.

Either way...

I urge you to listen to the song AT LEAST twice before passing any judgement.

I guarantee you will find your toe a-tappin'...or you may even find yourself in full-on Dance Party mode like we did.

I made The Girl listen to it when she got home from school yesterday and, 2 listens later, she was HOOKED.

I got home from work later that night and discovered that she had changed into her work-out wear...

... which essentially means she just pared down to her sports bra and her underwear ...she doesn't necessarily adhere to any real/appropriate dress-code...

Regardless...

She had dance-ercised (sp?) her heart out for over an hour to...

THIS:

HA!! It is not often that my musical choices inspire such a fervent reaction.

Apparently, I am super cool.

And so is ...

THIS:

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

p.s. In case you were wondering, the handsome dude doing most of the singing IS Donnie Wahlberg. My favourite is and always has been, the handsome dude doing the second most of the singing...Joey McIntyre...he's so cute. And now that we are BOTH adults, it's not so creepy that I find him attractive. I was in my 20's when NKOTB was a boy band, so it was mildly inappropriate for me to enjoy them...but now it is a MAN band...so I'm good.

Here are the fellas, back in the day...

You Got Chocolate On My Peanut Butter

What with it being the week following Easter, I've decided to attempt to remedy the damage done to my body via the ingestion of enough Cadbury Mini Eggs to fill a swimming pool.

 In my defence, not enough to fill an Olympic-size pool probably more along the lines of a Mr. Turtle pool.

I figure I really must eat more healthily is that even a word?? because I'm pretty sure a diet of Mini Eggs and Lindt Bunnies won't help me shake my socially embarrassing case of the sick and tireds.

Last night was a good start...for supper we had grilled salmon, with asparagus and whole grain rice.

This morning for breakfast I had a bowl of organic ancient grains cereal topped with a whole bunch of organic raspberries and at work I drank a couple of glasses of water.

So far so good...

And then for lunch I just polished off two pieces of Peanut Butter and Nutella bread.

...and a glass of organic milk.

BAM!!!

What the hell is wrong with me??

Why must I sabotage any and all efforts to eat well???

I am a foolish FOOLISH girl.

But I'm not here to whine about my horrible eating habits...

I am actually here to grab you by the shoulders and shake you vigorously all the while shouting in your ear...

DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID???

PEANUT BUTTER AND NUTELLA.

TOGETHER.

IN A SANDWICH.

...

...

...

Holy Crap.

Why was I not informed??

Why did I have to wait DECADES for this particular wave of genius to strike??

This stroke of culinary genius struck last week during a dinner table conversation about something I can't remember and, all of a sudden, a great big delicious lightbulb went off:

Me - OH. MY. GOD. You know what would be super delicious?? Peanut Butter and Nutella TOGETHER!!! I am BRILLIANT!!

The Boy - Ummm...yeah...Max eats peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches all the time when he's here.

The Girl - Yeah ...he eats triple decker Peanut Butter and Nutella sandwiches.

Me - WHAT??  And nobody thought to tell me about this?? The kid's a GENIUS!!

The Boy - ....

The Girl - ...

So, guess what I had the next day for lunch...and the day after...and then again today!!!

Yep... two pieces of crappy white WonderBread slathered in a delectable combination of Peanut Butter and Nutella.

Divine.

Although, I have to admit that by some strange coincidence, I developed a late afternoon headache on each of those days....

hmmmmmmm

We'll have to wait a couple of hours to see if I can establish conclusively that it's the PB&N that's responsible for my  sore head woes and not, as previously stated, just some strange coincidence.

Let me get back to you with that one.

The questionable nutritive value of this particular dietary choice got me to thinking about all the stuff I ate as a kid that I would never in a million years, let my kids eat.

~Special Note to My Mom: Please don't see this as a condemnation of your parenting. Things were different back then...people got perms and didn't wear seat belts.~


So, here is:

A Comprehensive List of Things That I Ate on a Fairly Regular Basis When I was a Kid that I Would Never, In a Million Years, Let My Kids Eat
by: squirrel_e_girl

• Peanut Butter and Brown Sugar on Toast : a go-to afterschool snack
• KoolAid : 2 cups of white sugar, some food colouring, chemical flavouring and water...mmmmm
• Peanut Butter and Marshmallow Fluff sandwiches : OH. MY. GOD. Delicious. If I was feeling extra adventurous, I'd throw on some strawberry jam for good measure.

• Cinnamon Sugar and Butter on Toast: another go-to afterschool snack. 
• Also, sometimes, my Mom would whip us up some Cream of Wheat for breakfast and we would cover the top of it with a layer of cinnamon sugar and then, with our spoons, scrape off the top layer of sugar and a wee bit of cereal, eat it and then sprinkle another layer of cinnamon sugar and repeat until bowl is empty....mmmmmmmmmm
• Did I mention KoolAid??

Now, I hasten to add that apart from those delicacies listed above, my siblings and I were, against our wishes,  fed a healthy and well-balanced diet. Sugary cereals and cookies, pop, chips and McDonalds were allowed only on birthdays and the occasional  "special" occasion.

We were so hard done by that we had to make do with boring old Dad's oatmeal cookies and apples for school lunches and never EVER got Vachon Cakes...no Flakies or Jos Louis or Lune Moons for us.

hmmmph.

Well, I gotta run.

 I'm getting a bit of headache.

How strange.

I've gotta go eat an apple or banana or something.

I'll leave you with this: I was reminded of these commercials when I had my EUREKA moment with Peanut Butter and Nutella