I'm Innocent!! I Swear!! I Am NOT a Plague Riser!!!

Ok...something crazy just happened and I feel an overwhelmingly desperate need to offer up an explanation in order to clear my good name...

To set the stage:
Remember a few weeks ago I let everybody know that my wonderfully awesome friend sent me a personalized autographed copy of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)” by: Jenny Lawson... and how excited I was because Jenny Lawson is one of my most favourite bloggers in the whole Universe and I've even referred to her in a couple of posts.


OK...so today, I'm spending the day hanging out with The Girl at The Royal Victoria Hospital. Right now, we're in the aptly named “Gowned Waiting Room”...yep...You heard right...the "Gowned Waiting Room". Needless to say, it's pretty surreal to be surrounded by a dozen or so people wearing nothing but hospital gowns...eek


To explain:
The Girl, at 15 1/2 years old, is a retired Canadian Gold/Gold/Silver Medal winning wrestler who has competed in Mexico at the Pan Am Wrestling Championships and has toured Eastern Europe with her wrestling club. As a wrestler, she has had her nose broken several times and those breaks have resulted in a rather significant deviation of her septum AND a big ol’ bump on the bridge of her schnozzola. This rather significant deviation of her septum has caused some rather significant breathing issues which, in turn, have caused some pretty annoying health issues. And the big ol’ bump on the bridge of her schnoz has caused some rather significant teenage girl vanity issues....so we’re here at the hospital in the “Gowned Waiting Room” waiting for her to undergo a “Septorhinoplasty”(aka “Nose Job”).


OK...so I'm hanging out with a bunch of semi-clad people (FYI-The Girl is the youngest Gowned Person by a good 45-50 years...yikes) and I'm passing the time ...and keeping my eyes averted...reading Jenny Lawson’s hilarious book. I was reading merrily along and I got to the part where she explains that her poor pug “died valiantly of a wasp bite/snakebite/shark attack” .... And I thought “WHOAH!!! In my 3rd last blog post I wished my cat grievous injury by way of shark attack ....Jenny and I are like supremely talented literary twins”. And The Girl and I had a little chuckle about that.

BUT!!!

A page or two later she refers to her cats as ASSHOLES!!!!????

WHAT?????

She says ”......Or because these cats are assholes. I'm leaning toward the latter, because these same cats just murdered Hailey’s pet frogs today. It was a goddamn massacre.”

While The Begowned Girl is further impressed that my hilariousness is on par with that of The Bloggess, I am horrified that people might think that I'm ripping Jenny Lawson off....YIKES!!!!

I SWEAR, ON THE SOON-TO-BE-RE-NOSED GIRL’S LIFE, THAT I AM NOT A COPYCAT!!!!

I thought all that shark attack/asshole cat stuff up all on my very own.

My cat IS a total asshole!!!

And he kills stuff!!!

And I kinda wished he'd lose a limb in an unfortunate shark attack.

I didn't need Jenny Lawson as inspiration...the flurry of goldfinch feathers and the death squeals of the chippy are inspiration enough for me.

Please don't take this as evidence that I am a plague riser <---BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....apparently, I spelled ‘plagiarist’ incorrectly and that's what autocorrect gave me...’plague riser’...Yep.

Works for me. :)

YAY!!!! I'm cheered up already.

 :D

Plague riser.

Hee Hee Hee

Anyhow... Please don't take this similarity in writing style as evidence that I am one who plagiarizes because I lack the ability to be original.

Instead, please take this as further evidence that cats are assholes. 

Yet another reason why I hate my cat.

Asshole.

 p.s. The Girl pulled through A-OK...bleeding and bruised but she is one tough cookie and is a sweet and appreciative patient :) Love you, Baby!!